In a sense, yes, the person you marry should “complete you,” making you feel completely whole as a person – but you should already love who you are and feel blessed that the person you want to be with makes you feel even better! You should be happy with who you are, what you do, and how you look – this will not only make it easier for you to attract people with your confidence, but it will make you look for an equally amazing person who will only make your life better, not the person who can fill in all of the gaps in your unsatisfactory life.
If you’re miserable by yourself, then you will be too easily swayed by the first person who comes along and gives you something to do. Don’t expect someone to come and save you. Don’t mistake companionship for love.
Though you shouldn’t ditch the person you love just to play the field, if you think you’re just “pretty happy” with the person you’re with but have never dated anyone else, it’s better to see what’s out there than to settle. Dating a lot of people helps you learn to compromise, and will make you even more sure that what you feel for your future spouse is truly special. Getting some sexual experience never hurts anyone either. If you’ve had a few partners before you’ve met your special someone, you’ll be even more sure that the chemistry you share is truly special. If you end up committing to the first person you’ve been with without being truly happy, you may spend the rest of your life wondering about what’s out there.
You should only get married because that’s what you want, not because it’s what the other person wants, because it’s what your family wants, or because you’re too scared to say goodbye.
Religion. If you’re Jewish and want to marry Jewish, “stick with your own kind” since not everyone who wants to marry a Jew will convert to Judaism. Family values. Are you dying to have five kids, or do you refuse to have children under any circumstances? Though people may change their minds more than you think, this is something to consider as you look for someone who shares your ideas (though you shouldn’t talk about this right when you meet someone, obviously. ) Personality. Though you can’t predict someone’s personality in advance, there may be a few things that are a must for you. Do you have a killer sense of humor and absolutely need a person who shares your love for laughter? Are you naturally a bit nervous and need someone who is more laid-back to center you? Keep this in mind as you look for the perfect person for you. Attitude toward relationships. Are you looking for someone who wants to spend every waking second with you, or do you want someone who really understands the meaning of “alone time”? This is more important than you think. Social bearing. Do you want someone who is fun and has a ton of friends around, or a person who is more reserved with just a few close and loyal friends? If you’re a social butterfly and your special someone is more of a wallflower, you can bring out their social side – or it can be a problem. Similar interests. Though the person you love probably shouldn’t share all of your interests, or maybe not even many of them, you should still have a few interests that you both can share so you can keep your relationship going. If you have something important in your life, you may want your partner to be included in. If you’re a novelist and your loved one refuses to read, or if you’re a fitness instructor and he has never seen a gym, you may run out of things to talk about. But maybe not! This one is fluid.
Lack of attraction. Physical attraction can grow, but it is not overrated. Though you may not want to rip off your husband’s shirt fifty years – or hey, a few years – down the line, you should have a baseline of attraction that keeps things going. Even if the person fits the mold in all other aspects, sadly, you just can’t force yourself to be attracted to someone. Lack of agreement on something that really matters to you. If you’re a die-hard tree-hugging liberal and he’s obsessed with Mitt Romney, then you may have a problem. But you never know – you can have fun disagreeing about some things. But if there’s something that defines who you are that your future spouse absolutely doesn’t understand, then you may have a problem. Geographical incompatibility. You may have found the love of your life, but they may live in Hawaii. If you literally live a world apart and neither of you will move under any circumstances, it won’t work.
Don’t turn a person down because they don’t meet all of your needs. This is unrealistic and being too picky won’t get you very far. Don’t stay with a person if you know they don’t meet the needs that really matter to you. Though you should be flexible, don’t stay with a person if you know they won’t give you what you want in the end. Find a balance between finding a person that really makes you happy without sacrificing the things that really matter to you.
Don’t be shy – your friends know what makes you happy and can help you find that perfect person without being too obvious about it.
The common interest will also give you an easy opening for a fun first date; if you’re both into something, you can just do that thing together and see where it goes.
Though you shouldn’t actively pursue your coworkers because that could be breaking your company code, if you really feel an attraction to someone in your workplace, be open to the possibility that this person could end up being really special – as long as you follow company policy.
Even if you’re squeamish about this option, just give it a chance. You can always end your membership if it doesn’t work out.
Sexual attraction is different than compatibility – it wears off. Compatibility means that your personalities really work well together, and that things just click for you more often than not.
You may think that you’re absolutely sure after just a few months, but this won’t give you enough time to test the relationship.
If you really cannot imagine the rest of your life without that person, then congratulations – you have found the right partner or spouse. Now have an incredible journey!
