For example, you might say, “You’re a great person! There’s someone out there for you. ” Avoid self-defeating talk, like “no one is ever going to be interested in me” or “I’ll look like a fool. ” Reframe your thoughts to be neutral or positive, such as “I will never know unless I try” or “there’s someone out there for me. I just have to find them. ” Remind yourself that getting rejected isn’t the end of the world. Whenever you find yourself thinking, “What if I get rejected?” force yourself to say or think “So what?”
For example, if you’re at a bar and there’s a TV playing, make a comment about what is on the television. You might say, “I can’t believe the referee made that call” or “have you seen this film? It’s one of my favorites. ” Sometimes, people wear clothing that show their interests. For example, they may wear a band T-shirt or have anime pins on their bags. These are a great opening for conversation. You might say, “I just saw your jersey, and I have to say, I’m a fan of that team too. ”
If they respond with a 1-word answer like “cool” or “yeah,” they may not be interested in talking. That’s okay. Step back and try again with someone else.
As you talk to the other person, show them that you are answering by nodding your head, giving verbal feedback like “mm-hm” or “interesting,” and asking them questions. Mindfulness techniques can help with this. Try to notice little things about the other person, such as the color of their eyes, their smile, or their hand gestures.
Take a deep breath. Ground yourself by focusing on the environment around you. Try not to assume what the other person is thinking. This lull might be a great time to offer to get them a drink, make a joke, or ask them about their job or interests. If the conversation truly seems to have fizzled out, thank the other person and tell them that it was great chatting. If you want, ask them for their number or see if they want to meet up again.
Tailor your compliments to the type of conversation you’re having. For example, if they just shared a story about skydiving, you might say, “Wow, that’s so cool. You’re really brave to do that. ” If you share interests with the other person, you might let them know that you like that about them. You can say, “You’re so cool. I’ve never met someone who is also interested in electro swing. ” It is okay to compliment someone’s looks, as long as the comment is tasteful. You might compliment their hair or clothing, or you can say something simple like, “I hope this doesn’t come off too strong, but I think you’re very pretty. ”
For example, don’t say something like, “I know you’re probably not interested in me, but can I have your number?” This can set the wrong tone for the conversation. If you want their number, simply say, “It was great talking to you. Would you mind if I asked for your number?” Avoid being complaining too much as you talk. For example, if someone asks you about your job, don’t say, “I hate it there so much. My boss is such a jerk. ” Try to be more neutral. For example, you can say, “I work at the store. It pays the bills. ”
For example, you might say, “It was so great talking to you tonight. I would love to continue this conversation over coffee some time. ” If the other person agrees, ask for their number. This practice works especially well if you are flirting with a stranger or someone you just met. If you’ve known the person a while, you may continue the conversation longer. If you and the other person are really making a connection, you don’t have to end the conversation. In fact, in some cases, if you can keep up the conversation with enthusiasm, it may be a sign that you are a good match.
Don’t be afraid to show your enthusiasm about a subject or conversation. People generally enjoy it when others are cheerful while they flirt. Laughter is a great way to release tension. It can help you relax if you’re starting to feel overwhelmed.
If someone displays these signs, you might try complimenting them or eventually asking for their number. Alternatively, if they turn away from you, stop making contact, or cross their arms, they may not be interested in chatting. Simply thank them for their time and move on. Pat yourself on the back for trying! Body language isn’t an entirely reliable way to judge attraction. The other person may be having a good time without being interested in you romantically. That’s okay! Just remind yourself that they still found you to be interesting and exciting.
Making eye contact with someone across the room is a subtle way to show that you’re interested. If you find them looking back, it may mean that you can approach them. Eye contact alone does not mean that the other person is interested in you. If you find someone making eye contact with you, look for other body language signs before making a move.
If online dating works out, you can meet the person in real life. It may be easier to flirt with them in person since you have already spoken for a while. Online dating can also help you learn how to handle rejection. You might find that not everyone will answer, and that’s okay.
If you still feel nervous or anxious after the incident, try exercising or taking a walk. This can help you process the events and work out your nerves. The first time you flirt with someone, give yourself a reward, like dessert or a new video game.
They may treat your social anxiety with cognitive behavioral therapy, medication, or a combination of both. Talk to your therapist about your concerns with flirting and dating. They may be able to coach you through these interactions. When you’re ready, they may even suggest a group setting for your therapy to help you get more comfortable with these interactions.
