Examples might include gardening, reading a good novel, listening to music (that doesn’t remind you of the person), playing a video game, playing an instrument, drawing, painting, or exercising.
For example, perhaps you haven’t been practicing the piano or cleaning your room. Maybe you’ve been falling behind on projects at work or school. Accomplishing a task, especially one you’ve been putting off, is a great way to cultivate a positive, self-empowering state of mind. If you can learn to soothe and satisfy your own needs, it will be easier to stop obsessing over someone else. [3] X Expert Source Samantha Fox, MS, LMFTMarriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 19 January 2021.
Don’t show what you’ve written to the person you can’t stop thinking about. Additionally, don’t read what you’ve written and dwell on it. Instead, focus on getting the thoughts out of your head as you write. Tearing up the paper and throwing it away when you’re finished can help you symbolically let go of your obsessive thoughts.
You could also look for guided meditation videos on your preferred streaming service. Try meditating or doing breathing exercises when you feel your thoughts racing, dwell on the person you’re obsessed with, or get the urge to call or text them.
You could also look for guided meditation videos on your preferred streaming service. Try meditating or doing breathing exercises when you feel your thoughts racing, dwell on the person you’re obsessed with, or get the urge to call or text them.
For instance, if you constantly check the person’s social media profiles or get the urge to text them, getting rid of your phone or computer isn’t practical. Instead, you could use features that remove their posts from your newsfeed or unfollow them. If you’re obsessing over your ex, give them their stuff back and try to keep things that remind you of them out of sight and out of mind. [7] X Research source If you can’t avoid being around the person, try to keep your distance. If they sit next to you at school, try to avoid eye contact and imagine they’re someone else. Try to focus on your task at hand, like taking class notes.
Tell yourself, “These are obsessive thoughts,” or “I’m acting obsessively. ” Say, “These thoughts don’t control me; I control them. ” Sometimes, obsessive thoughts and actions can go unnoticed, or they might even feel good. Trying to pretend they don’t exist won’t do you any good. Instead, recognize them, acknowledge that you have better things to do, and remind yourself that you can manage them.
Often, becoming obsessed with someone is a way to get a feeling of belonging or approval from someone other than yourself. [10] X Expert Source Samantha Fox, MS, LMFTMarriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 19 January 2021. Write down what this person makes you feel when you are with them. Think about how you feel when they are gone. Consider what might be causing these feelings in your life. For example, you might discover that you are afraid of being lonely. If this is the case, consider joining a class or club to meet new people.
Ask yourself, “What’s the temperature right now? Am I hot, cold, or comfortable? What sounds and smells am I sensing right now? What is the weather like right now? What does the sky look like?” Obsession often involves thoughts like, “What if I did this?” or “What are they doing right now?” These thoughts focus on other locations or dwell on the past or future. Concentrating on your surroundings can help you keep your thoughts in the here and now.
You could also imagine that the intrusive thoughts are a barking dog. Visualize yourself walking by a barking dog behind a fence. Say to yourself, “It’s just noise, and the dog can’t hurt me. In a few minutes, I’ll cross to the next block and the dog will be far behind me. ” Try shaking off obsessive thoughts. When you experience them, shake your head, arms, legs, and body. Imagine that you’re shaking out the thoughts and resetting your mind.
Rituals, such as visualizing a stop sign or snapping a rubber band, are good ways to remind yourself that you need to redirect your thoughts. Do your ritual, then tell yourself, “Stop! I need to stop this thought pattern and do something to distract myself. ”
Say, “Hey, how are you? I just wanted to touch base and see how you’ve been. Anything new?” Try asking, “Do you have any plans today? Want to grab a coffee or lunch?” Staying social can help you get your mind off of your obsession, so do your best to maintain your relationships in general. [15] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
Try telling a friend or relative, “I need to get some stuff off of my chest. I like someone, but they don’t feel the same way about me. It makes me so upset I feel sick, and I can’t stop thinking about them. ” While just talking about your feelings can help, you can also ask for advice. Ask them, “Have you ever felt like this? What did you do to stop thinking about someone?”
Emotions don’t have a strict timeline. However, you should notice yourself gradually thinking about them less as weeks and months pass, and your feelings should become less intense. It might be time to see a professional if you’ve tried unsuccessfully on your own for at least 1 or 2 months. You should also get help if your obsessive thoughts become more frequent, or if you experience recurrent feelings of despair, withdraw from daily activities, or think about hurting yourself or others. If you’re still in school and don’t want to ask your parents to take you to a therapist, you could talk to your guidance counselor.
