Say, “You’re like a sister to me, so not having you around is like losing part of my family. ” If your friend has been spending a lot of time with a new friend or partner, let them know that you want some of their time, too. Explain that you understand that the new person is important to them and stress that you aren’t trying to drive them apart. Say, “I’m glad you found someone who makes you happy. I just miss hanging out with you. ” Be honest with your friend, even if you feel embarrassed. You could say, “It’s been really hard for me lately because you’re my best friend. I’m used to being able to talk to you everyday, but lately I’ve felt like you were too busy for me. ”
Realize that your friend may have other things going on in their life that have nothing to do with you or any of their other friends. If your friend has been spending a lot of time with someone else, consider that the other person may fit into your friend’s life in a way that you don’t. For example, your friend and the new person may both be from divorced households, may share a similar cultural background, or may have both had to take care of an ill family member.
Show them that you know what you did and why it was wrong. Say, “I’m sorry for forgetting your birthday. I know that must have really hurt you because I would have been heartbroken if you’d forgotten mine. ”
Avoid statements like “You never listen to me!” Instead, say, “I felt like you weren’t hearing me, and that made me feel frustrated. ”
For example, avoid saying, “I’m sorry I forgot about your birthday party. I had a busy week and lost track of the days. ” While this may be true, it weakens your apology because it shows that you feel like your behavior had some justification. Say, “I know that what I did was wrong. ”
Avoid statements like “I’m sorry you feel that way” because they put the blame on the other person. You are telling the person that your behavior was okay, and they just overreacted. If you feel like they are unfairly blaming you, say, “I’m hearing that you think this is all my fault. Is that true?” If they reply yes, then you will be able to talk it out.
Ask them to go see a popular movie together. You can spend time together without expectations of talking, and then you have a shared topic to discuss afterward that will put less pressure on you to find neutral topics.
Keep your interactions civil. If you see them at school or work, acknowledge them with a smile, wave, or nod. Don’t confuse this with giving your friend the cold shoulder. Be open and available to them. Don’t try to get information about them from mutual friends, and don’t ask mutual friends to pick sides.
If your friend is busier than normal, find an activity that keeps you just as busy so that you’re less tempted to cling. If you are jealous of your friend’s new relationship, remember that you will eventually find a partner or new friends, as well.
Join a club. Hang out with other friends. Host a party.
Allow yourself to cry. It’s important that you grieve the loss of your relationship as you would a death so that you can work through it. Crying is normal and important, so don’t feel bad about needing to let it out. [11] X Research source Even though you might not get closure from your friend, say your own goodbye by writing them a goodbye letter that you never send or holding your own goodbye ritual. [12] X Research source
Say, “I’m not interested in hearing that. ”
Focus on the future. If you find yourself in a similar issue as before, give your friend the benefit of the doubt instead of jumping to conclusions.
Ask your entire friend group to go out to dinner. Find community or school events, and pick one that connects to a shared interest.
Don’t see it as a rejection. Your friend is not trying to replace you. They just found someone else they click with. Your relationship may change, but it’s not over. Reach out to the new person. Keep an open mind and try to get to know the other person. If it’s a new boyfriend or girlfriend, be excited for your friend’s happiness and let them feel like they can confide in you.
Visit your friend during your lunch hour. Join your friend in an activity you know they attend regularly, such as a class at the gym. If your friend is in a new relationship, remind your friend that you need one-on-one time. Say, “Your new boyfriend is great, but can we grab lunch just the two of us this weekend?”
