For instance, get on their level and say, “It’s time for lunch. Go wash your hands and come to the table. ” Try stating 1 instruction at a time. Ask the child to repeat back what you said to them. This can encourage them to listen and respond appropriately.
Reward charts are also helpful for promoting good behavior. If they’re supposed to take the garbage out every day, put a gold star on a calendar for every day they do so without having to be told. After a week of gold stars, they get a small toy.
For example, instead of spending 5 or 10 minutes describing how they never brush their teeth when they’re told, say, “Teeth, now. ” If they’re supposed to put away clean plates from the dishwasher, just say, “Plates,” instead of lecturing them about doing their chores without being asked. Note that a short explanation is helpful when introducing rules. When you’re giving a command or reminding them to do something, try sticking to just 1 or 2 words.
Say, “Bet you can’t put away all these toys before the buzzer goes off!” or “Let’s see how many toys you can put away in 2 minutes!” At the end of the challenge, give them a small prize to encourage them to play the clean up “game” in the future.
Suppose your kid is screaming because a sibling took a toy away. Say something empathetic, such as “Well you seem very upset,” instead of, “Stop crying! There’s no reason to cry over this. ”[6] X Expert Source Kathy Slattengren, M. Ed. Parent Educator & Coach Expert Interview. 27 July 2021. After acknowledging their frustration, ask them why they’re upset. Ask, “How can we make this better?” and work together to come up with a solution. For instance, if their sibling took their toy, you could set a timer and have them take 5-minute turns. You could offer to give them a hug, or give them time alone. [7] X Expert Source Kathy Slattengren, M. Ed. Parent Educator & Coach Expert Interview. 27 July 2021.
For example, make sure they study and clean their room, but allow them to complete these tasks by a given time instead of right this minute. Say, “You have to clean your room, but you don’t have to do it right this minute. Just get it done by the end of the weekend. ”
For example, if you don’t want your teen to play on their phone during dinner, be sure to put away your own phone. [10] X Expert Source Kathy Slattengren, M. Ed. Parent Educator & Coach Expert Interview. 27 July 2021. Even when your teenager is acting defiant and rude, avoid reacting emotionally. Do not yell, scream, or cry, as your teen might see this as a way to get your attention or they may use it to manipulate you. Instead, remain calm. Express your disappointment in a clear and even voice.
For example, if your teenager washes the dishes, say, “Thank you. That was a big help. " If your teenager gets a good grade, you might say, “I’m really proud of you. I know you worked hard, and it paid off. "
Suppose your teen was texting on their phone and got into an at-fault fender-bender. Take away their car and, if they don’t have one already, have them get a part-time job to pay for repairs. You could also downgrade their cell phone plan to remove web access and texting, or get them a phone without these capabilities. Avoid rescuing your teenage when they encounter obstacles or difficulties. These can be valuable learning experiences for them. For example, if they lose their phone, don’t give them a new one.
Be sure they have a healthy breakfast before they leave for school, like Greek yogurt with fruit or fortified cereal. Encourage them to go for nutritious options at the cafeteria, and help them prepare healthy lunches and dinners outside of school. Have them help you cook dinner, and teach them (or learn together) how to prepare healthy meals. Do your best to ensure they go to bed as early as possible, and have regular conversations about the importance of proper eating and sleeping habits.
Other examples include “No hurting. Keep your hands and feet to yourself,” and “No yelling in the house. Use your inside voice. ” Make sure that the child understands what the consequences are ahead of time. If they misbehave, follow through with these consequences.
For example, suppose you work at night a few days a week. While you’re at work, your partner lets your kids stay up late. Tell your partner, “Our rules need to be clear and consistent, and a set sleeping routine is really important. If we’re not on the same page, the kids won’t follow our rules. ” Consistency is very important for children as they grow up. Talk to the child’s other parent, and explain how consistency helps avoid confusion for children. Make agreeing on compromise a priority.
Rules fall into 3 priority levels. Safety is first (“No running with scissors”), followed by rules about not harming people or property (“No hitting,” “No breaking toys”), and rules related to polite or calm behavior (“No whining,” “No temper tantrums,” and “No interrupting”). [15] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
For example, if a younger child breaks a toy, don’t replace it. They’ll learn that they’ll have nothing to play with if they break their toys. Natural consequences should never put a child’s health or safety at risk. Don’t let them run around with scissors to teach them a lesson or withhold food because they didn’t wash their hands before a meal.
For instance, if your child steals a toy from a sibling or friend, have them write an apology letter and do chores to make amends. If they make an allowance, withhold it so their chores go to paying off the value of the item they stole. When you put your child in time-out, sit them down in a “naughty chair,” ignore them completely, and ensure they can’t access any form of entertainment. Don’t send them to their room, as they’ll have access to their toys, games, and other fun belongings. Always explain to your child how the consequences were a result of a choice that they made. Discuss what a better choice would have been and how they could have avoided this consequence.
For example, say, “Don’t play rough with your toys, or you won’t have anything to play with,” “Play nicely at the park, or we’ll leave,” or “Stop arguing about what to watch on TV, or we’ll turn it off. ”[19] X Trustworthy Source Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Main public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human Services Go to source Warn children only once. If they don’t make the correct decision, let the natural consequence occur or impose your consequence immediately.
For example, if your child draws on the walls, take the crayons away and make them clean up the mess as soon as you catch them. If they hit a sibling, immediately put them in time-out for 3 to 5 minutes. [21] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
