Touch his hand or arm. Sit close to him so your legs are touching. Rub his neck or back.
We really do carry our communication styles from our childhood through our adulthood so think about how you have each grown up communicating. Was your opinion heard and respected in your family? Did you feel safe talking about your feelings? How did your family talk about unpleasant things? Consider what you use to communicate. Do you tend to communicate more with emotions, facts or data, analysis, or humor? Do you communicate using a linear style or more in a freeform way?[13] X Research source Think about what you want and need from your communication with your partner and then talk to each other. Ask each other what you can do to make communication easier, and be ready to accept constructive criticism and make changes for the benefit of your relationship.
Avoid hurtful behaviors like interrupting them, telling them what you think they mean, or name-calling. [15] X Research source Instead of interrupting or interpreting what you think he means, just ask your guy what you want to know. Make an agreement that you will “never go to bed angry” or a word to use if one of you needs to take a break from the conversation.
Individual Therapy to learn your personal communication style. Couples Therapy to work together on your communication with the help of an objective person. Weekend Workshops for couples to do more intensive work with fewer distractions. Online Programs can accommodate busier schedules or if you’d like to work on your communication more anonymously. Books are available if you are self-motivated and want to learn more about helping yourself.
Let him get all of his thoughts and feelings out before you respond and ask him to give you the same courtesy. This opens a free flow of communication without judgment or anxiety. Avoid using the phrases, “Yes, but. . . ” or “I know, but. . . ” Instead find places where you can agree (without the use of “but”) by stating “I understand” or “I can see your point. ”
If you see he is anxious or if he’s showing you he’s upset say, “I can see that this has you really worked up. Do you want to talk about it?” or “I would be really upset, too. ” Phrases like, “I’m sorry this is happening to you,” or “I can’t imagine how that feels,” will make him feel comfortable and let him know that he has nothing to fear by confiding in you.
