Speak to him, be very clear about being in a more committed relationship, he may have different opinions or ideas of marriage. [1] X Expert Source Luis CongdonRelationship Coach Expert Interview. 3 September 2021. See if he’s committed to you in any way other than calling you his girlfriend. This could mean moving in with you, sharing a pet with you, moving to a new location with you, or even putting himself in the same exact social circle as you. Speak and communicate to your partner about marriage, maybe he has gone through some painful experiences within his life that prevent him from committing to getting married. [2] X Expert Source Luis CongdonRelationship Coach Expert Interview. 3 September 2021. See if he’s had other relationships. If he’s had significant dating experience before, then you shouldn’t be jealous, but fortunate that he’s had some experience with women and is more likely to feel less interest in “playing the field” and seeing what else is out there.
If he’s still trying to figure out his career, if all of his buddies are still single and not even really dating, or if he still has a lot of personal issues to sort out, then it may not be the best for him to marry you. If he’s not feeling stable personally, financially, or even physically, then his mind may be on other things. Still, keep in mind that there’s no perfect time to get married. If it hasn’t felt like “the right time” for years, then there may be bigger problems.
If he never talks about what will happen even six months down the line, even if you’re planning to attend a wedding together, or if he’s spending a summer studying abroad, then he may be trying to avoid the issue.
Speak to him clearly and be vocal about your intention of getting married. Get his views on committed relationships and marriage. [3] X Expert Source Luis CongdonRelationship Coach Expert Interview. 3 September 2021. It’s also possible the he doesn’t want to get married at all, to anyone. Getting a guy who decidedly doesn’t believe in marriage to propose to you is pretty much impossible.
You could say, “A co-worker just got back from his honeymoon. You know where they went? To the beach. That’s so weird to me because we go to the beach about once a month and it’s so close by. If I was going on a honeymoon, I’d want to go somewhere new and exotic. Wouldn’t you?” You could also say, “Can you believe John proposed to Marla on a Ferris wheel? I think that’s perfect for them, but I think I’d like something a little different. "
Watch his reaction when you discuss the future. See if he carries that conversation on or avoids the subject. Remember that even though this may have been on your mind for a long time, this is a new conversation for him and he needs time to sort out his thoughts. Don’t expect him to have his answer prepared.
If you don’t mention that it would be a great place to get engaged, then he won’t feel that you’re putting the pressure on. And even if he doesn’t propose, seeing you in a romantic setting where many people do propose will put his mind on proposing.
Well, if you don’t want a fancy ring, or even a ring at all, then you can mention it, however subtly, so that he knows that this shouldn’t be a factor in his plans for a proposal. You can even mention your thoughts on the ring by mentioning someone else’s ring. You could say, “Did you see that rock Rick gave to Sheila? I can’t believe she didn’t fall over with that thing on her hand. I would never want a ring like that – I’d want it to be small and simple. "
Though this shouldn’t be a factor in a man’s decision to marry you for life, it does deter men from wanting to get the ball rolling on the whole marriage thing. Can you blame them?
If you want him to see you as a wife, then your relationship should be positive most of the time. If you spend most of your time fighting or crying about your insecurities, he won’t think you’re ready for marriage. Let him see that you have your act together on your own and that you’re ready to move towards marriage. If he thinks that your life won’t be complete until you get married, he won’t want to propose.
If he’s just worried about the ring or the wedding itself, then you can think of some creative compromises. If he can’t afford a ring, can you live without one? If he doesn’t want a big wedding, how about eloping or having a small, private ceremony? If he’s afraid that marriage will take the luster out of your relationship, have some go-to happily married couples that you both admire that you can point to.
Marriage is also an effective way to make sure your mate is taken care of if you die suddenly. If you are not married, and one of you dies, the other will not inherit anything unless it is spelled out in a will. And even if it is, there will be estate and gift taxes. Also, if you are married you can receive wages, workers’ compensation, and retirement plan benefits for a deceased spouse. Though you may not want to go down this morbid line of thinking, it is very logical, and is something to consider – especially if you’ve been together for fifteen years and aren’t married.
While you shouldn’t make him feel bad for being uncertain or make him propose because he feels jealous or guilty, you should let him know that if you’ve invested a lot of time and love into the relationship and he still doesn’t know what he wants, that you have your limits, too.
However, if you really feel like you’ve been waiting around forever and are fully ready and think he is, too, then let him know without making a harsh statement.
Just because all of your friends are getting ready or you can’t wait to try on a wedding dress doesn’t mean that you should talk about your wedding from your second date – or there won’t be a third.
This will not make him upgrade you to wife status. Men are much more interested in women who are confident and independent than women who serve their every need and will drop everything just to pamper and feed them – especially if they’re only doing it because they think it’ll make him more likely to propose.
