For example, ask, “What was growing up in another country then coming here like for you?” You can also say, “What was it like when you volunteered in Ecuador?” or, “How did you know you wanted to be a rock climber?” You can also ask, “What’s the hardest obstacle you’ve overcome?”
For example, ask, “What would you like to accomplish in your lifetime?” or, “What milestones would you like to meet in the next five years?”
For example, ask, “How many siblings do you have?” and, “Do you get along with your family?” Be aware, however, that not everyone enjoys talking about their family. If the person appears uncomfortable or wants to change the subject, be respectful and do so.
For someone stuck in their job, talking about careers and what they want can be meaningful in taking a step forward and realizing that they have options. However, if the person does not particularly like their job, then you might also try asking about their hobbies. Often you may learn more about a person by asking about their hobbies than by asking about their job.
For example, say, “How was your first marathon? I know you trained so hard. ”
Keep your questions open-ended so that the person can elaborate as they want to. A meaningful conversation is difficult to develop from “yes” and “no” questions. [3] X Research source For example, ask, “What was it like when you got married?” or, “What was your proudest moment?”
For example, if someone is talking about a memory, ask, “How did that impact your life?” or, “What did you gain from that experience?”
For example, if your friend is upset about a job loss and you’ve been through a similar experience, you can relate on this and how difficult it is. Relating over difficult situations can often bring meaning and comfort to someone. Sometimes, being relatable means showing that you understand and are listening, even if you haven’t ‘been there. ’[5] X Research source For example, you could try saying something like, “I certainly have no aptitude for physics, but I’m fascinated by people who understand it. "
If someone is being vulnerable with you, be sure not to judge them or criticise them for their experience. Try saying something like, “You showed great strength to overcome that obstacle. " For example, if someone is struggling with depression, speak up and say, “I know how that feels. I struggle with depression, too. ” This can help you connect and not feel alone.
For example, share your excitement at a birth announcement or job promotion. Send your condolences when the person is grieving. Offer your support and help in a way that is meaningful to them, whether that be a text message, email, or in-person conversation.
Sometimes being an active listener may also require you to be silent. Showing that you are okay with silence, even if it is a bit uncomfortable, may give the person time to gain the courage to share.
Make eye contact and point your body toward the person, but keep your body in a relaxed position. Forcing open body language may seem unnatural.
For example, if you tend to argue with your Uncle about politics, aim to make the conversation more meaningful by hearing each other out and being willing to consider their viewpoint.
Reflect back on what they say to ensure your understanding and show that you’re listening. [12] X Research source For example, say, “I hear you saying that dealing with your aging parents is difficult. ”
You might not want to start a meaningful conversation with someone who’s often argumentative or focused on always being ‘right’. Think about someone you can engage with and share both speaking and listening.
For example, don’t have the conversation when one or both of you have a time constraint. Avoid busy or stressful days so that each person feels comfortable and not preoccupied or stressed.
For example, a restaurant may not be ideal as you may be interrupted or overheard. Look for a place with minimal distractions. Consider turning off your phone or the television so that it doesn’t interrupt your conversation.
Put some effort into starting the conversation, especially if it’s a difficult topic. Decide on how you will start the conversation and what words you will say.
For example, ask how the person’s day is going or briefly talk about the weather.
