The two of you need to help one another plan on how to manage. For the person being deployed, this means focusing on the mission, seeking support from other soldiers or military officials, and managing stress overseas. For the person staying home, this means fostering support at home, staying busy, and managing feelings of stress or anxiety when communication is limited. Try to have as honest and open a conversation as possible. Both of you should feel free to express your feelings, good or bad, about the impending separation. Feelings of jealousy and insecurity are normal when faced with a long separation. [1] X Research source Make time to spend alone and talk. Spend some one-on-one time at home together communicating. If you have children, hire a sitter for the night so you and your partner can talk.
If you’re staying at home, know the quickest way to get ahold of your partner. You should also have someone on call, like a friend or family member, that can help you through emergencies while your partner is away. If you’re leaving, know how your partner will be contacted in the event something happens to you. Talk to your partner about how you’ll provide support from a distance in the event there’s an emergency at home.
There are a variety of options for communication during military deployment. A phone is not always available, but things like e-mail, instant messaging, video chat, or regular mail are all options. If possible, setting aside a single day of the week to try and talk through a phone or video call may be helpful. If your deployment is fairly routine, you may know when you’ll have access to a computer or phone. You can promise to call or video chat around a specific time during those days. You should also discuss what to do when communication is difficult. There may be times in deployment where access to things like telephones and computers is limited. Talk about what to do during these times. You can agree, for example, to resort to snail mail if necessary.
For the party leaving, support may involve other soldiers or military members. You may also want to talk about other people you can communicate with long distance. In addition to being close with your partner, you probably have friends and family members that you have a close bond with. You should be able to rely on these people for support during deployment. If you’re staying at home, you and your partner should figure out who you’ll lean on. Talk about the family members and friends you’ll have while your partner is away. You may find your partner’s friends and family members can provide support during your deployment as well.
Some people prefer words of affirmation to feel loved. Statements like, “I miss you” and “I love you” are helpful. If your partner seems to rely on words, try writing long letters and e-mails expressing how much you care. For some, actions are more important than words. People may feel supported if their partner shows they care through kind gestures, or sends gifts. If your partner prefers actions, you can send him or her care packages, make video messages, or periodically send gifts. Unfortunately, some languages of love are harder to cater to from a distance. Some people prefer physical touch and quality time to feel secure. This presents a challenge during deployment. However, you can try to help by telling your partner how much you miss his or her touch, and how you wish your partner was with you just to watch television together on a rainy night.
Include photos, treats, and small sentimental objects. Be creative. If your partner has a sense of humor, include a funny card or note. It can also be cute to send “coupons” for when your partner gets back. Something like, “Free for one good back rub” or “Free for a fancy dinner out. " This can help give your partner something to look forward to when he or she returns. Make sure you check military regulations before sending out a care package. During deployment, there may be certain items that are banned.
Pause before you send an e-mail or text. Read your words and think about any ways they may be misinterpreted. Could you read anger into this message? Frustration? Jealousy? If so, see if there’s a way to reword or add an emoticon to make it clear this is a friendly message. For example, “I couldn’t sleep without you last night” could be read as resentment, as in, “I’m disappointed you’re not here. " Instead, you could write, “I miss and love you so much that I couldn’t sleep without you last night. <3” On your own end, remember you can never be 100% certain of intent when communication comes in writing. If you receive something from your partner you worry is angry or upset, try to remind yourself how common miscommunication is during these situations. Take some time to calm down, and then return the message asking, politely, for clarification if you feel you need it. For example, “I miss sleeping next to you too. Just to be clear, as I know it’s easy to misread e-mails, you’re not mad I’m gone, right? Just checking. :)”
Make a scrapbook for when your partner gets back, detailing what happened when he was away. Scan images of the scrapbook and send them to your partner. E-mail your partner snippets of songs or clips from movies that have sentimental meaning to the two of you. Use smell as a memory. Smell is strongly linked to memory, so sending your partner a small container of a shampoo you use can provide him or her a small reminder of you. Read the same book together from a distance. This will help the two of you feel close, and give you something to discuss when your partner returns.
If you’re deployed, it may not be difficult to keep busy. A particularly active deployment should keep your mind engaged. However, some deployments are less hectic than others. While it may be hard to, say, join a cooking class when deployed, you can look into solitary pursuits. You can try reading and writing, for example. Try to explore subjects that interest you by reading books on these subjects during your spare moments away.
If you’re being deployed, do not hesitate to get close to your fellow soldiers. Open up to them about your struggles and stress, and talk about how you’re managing your long distance relationship. If you’re staying at home, reach out to friends and family members. You should also reach out to your partner’s friends and families. Spending time with people close to your partner can help you feel close to him or her from a distance.
If you’re deployed, some of your fellow soldiers have probably also left partners at home during deployment. Try to talk to fellow soldiers about how you’re feeling, and ask them for advice on how to cope. Some soldiers have probably been deployed multiple times, and may have advice for you on how to keep things in perspective.
Talk about your insecurities with your partner and others. While you should not be accusatory when talking to your partner, it’s okay to say you’re feeling insecure. A little reassurance can go a long way. Examine your own issues with trust and insecurity. They may stem from a previous relationship. Try to understand that, while it’s normal to worry when a partner is away, a lot of insecurity may be baseless.
