If you are unsure how to help them, say something like “What can I do to support you?”
Try saying something like, “I can’t imagine how hard this is for you. I am so sorry that you have to experience it. ” Avoid telling them to “get over it” or “move on with their life. ” On the other side of things, if the child is doing okay, do not try to make it more of an issue than it is. Let them guide you on how much they want to talk about it. You do not want to traumatize someone who is actually doing okay by making a big deal out of the event and forcing them to regress.
Even if the teen despised their parent, they will still need to grieve and cope after a death. Understand that many teens who had harsh feelings toward their parents will regret not having a better relationship. Keep this in mind and say things like “I know you may not have had the relationship you wanted with your parent(s), but it is clear that there was some love there and you should allow yourself some time to heal. ”
Respect their privacy. If the teen says that they need space, respect that. Some people grieve privately instead of publicly. [4] X Research source Just make sure you keep the lines of communication open. You might say, “I’ll wait for you to call if you need, but I’m always here. "
If you had a close aunt or uncle (or a parent) die early in life, you can share that story with the teen you are mentoring.
Include the teen when planning the day. Allow the teen to talk about — or not talk about — their parent that day, whichever they feel like doing. Follow their lead in how much they want to talk about it. Don’t be afraid to try something new, especially if a special day didn’t go well in the past.
For example, you might tell the teen about the time you and their deceased parent went ice skating and fell ten times. You might also tell them about the first time you met their parent.
Prompt stories by saying things like “Do you remember that time you and your parents went to the art museum?” You can also encourage them to write or express their feelings and stories in other artistic ways. Celebrating a deceased loved one is great way to stay connected to them. [7] X Expert Source Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYTLicensed Clinical Social Worker & Certified Yoga Therapist Expert Interview. 24 April 2020.
This is a very delicate situation and it’s important to remind the teen that you are not trying to replace their parent, but to help honor them by supporting the teen.
For example, if you know the teen’s parent died in a car accident, you might be more patient if the teen seems timid in the driver’s seat.
Warning signs of dangerous behavior can be subtle. People are unlikely to witness drinking or drug use directly, but may observe lying, significant weight loss, changes in sleeping patterns, etc. Suggest a physical activity to help channel their grief into something positive and healthy. Running, hiking, or yoga are all great physical activities that could help alleviate stress and center your emotions. If the teen discusses thoughts of suicide or hurting themselves, seek professional help immediately.
Try to avoid downtime during these days. Keeping the teen busy will help distract them from their sadness. Be sure to remember their parent on this day. Say things like “I know you miss your parent(s), and you should keep them in mind and try to enjoy the day. ”
If individual therapy does not seem like your cup of tea, consider a support group or an online chat room.
Make a meal for you and the teen to share or take them out to eat. Sharing a meal with someone is very therapeutic.
