Don’t belittle her feelings by saying things like “You’ve got to snap out of this” or “If you just focus on the positive, you’ll feel better. ” Instead, ask how she is doing and feeling. Keep in mind that some forms of depression are episodic (related to some specific experience). Depression may also be chronic (long-lasting). If you haven’t been dating your girlfriend long, you may not know what type of depression she has. Resist the urge to “fix” what she tells you. If you feel like you could help, ask “How can I help?” or “Would it be helpful to you if I called you in the morning?”
Leaving a note to wish her a good day. Making her favorite dinner. Buying her flowers or another small gift she will enjoy. Walking her to class.
Host a board game night with a couple of friends. Go running together. Surprise her with a picnic on a nice day. Book her a day at the spa.
For example, you might think your girlfriend is more creative or empathetic because of her depression. You could say, “I can tell you are sensitive to others who are going through a tough time. I notice you offer encouragement to them even if you don’t know them well. Do you think your depression helps you see others in need?”
For example, if she is kind to children, you could say something like, “You have a compassionate heart for children. They really respond to you. ” You may even want to write them down so that she can read over them when you’re not around.
Getting her lunch. Picking up groceries for her. Taking her car to the carwash.
If you don’t know whether your girlfriend’s depression is episodic or chronic, encourage her to see a doctor so she can get the kind of care she needs. Remind her to separate herself from the depression. For example, if she says things like “I”m depressed. ” Help her reframe it by saying, “No, Cindy, you are someone who has depression. You are a kind, beautiful person who feels and experiences depression. ”
Offer to help her research different kinds of counseling, therapy, and medical treatments. Listen to her thoughts, concerns, and questions about these treatments. Offer to go with her to the doctor or counseling sessions. If she is working with a therapist she doesn’t seem to connect with, encourage her to find a new one.
Creating a schedule to make sure she takes any medications her doctor prescribed. Offer to give reminders about when to take it, or to ask her if she did. Mark therapy appointments on a common calendar. Continue to ask her how she feels.
Check out NAMI. org, Mental Health America, or the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance at http://www. dbsalliance. org/. Each of these resources has listings of support groups online and in real life.
Changes in behavior that last more than a few weeks (like avoiding friends or activities, changes in sleep habits, or abusing drugs or alcohol) Mentioning death or killing herself Seeming to prepare for death (giving things away, talking about saying good-bye to people, etc. )
This is especially the case for chronic depression. Those suffering from this form are prone to relapses, even if they appear to have been well for a while.
Make sure that you’re eating well, getting enough sleep, and generally taking care of yourself. Seek help yourself if you begin to experience depression or other health issues. Don’t engage in risky behavior, like drug or alcohol abuse, to help your girlfriend feel better. Keep living your own life. See your friends, go to work or school, and have fun.
