Hiding your feelings from everyone works only if the feelings are temporary and not likely to affect other aspects of your life. For instance, if you are angry at your parents for grounding you, but you know that you will get over it soon, you can choose to ignore and hide those feelings from everyone. But if you are angry at your parents for abusing you, this is not something you are likely to overcome without telling someone in authority, discussing it with friends, and eventually confronting your parents about it (when you are older, assuming you want to maintain a relationship with them). It is often helpful if you have a trusted friend you can confide in. This person may be able to help you sort through your complex emotions and understand your options. Someone who has no connection to the person you have feelings for is ideal.
Tell your friend if you have romantic feelings for them, if those feelings are making it difficult for you to be a good and supportive friend. Your friend has the right to know and if you have a strong enough friendship, you can work through the way you are feeling together. Most often, feelings of hurt or betrayal at the hands of someone you love should be dealt with. If someone has caused you pain, you deserve to let them know and give them the chance to make it right. If they care about you, they would want to know that you are hurting. If they don’t care about you, then you deserve to know that, too, so that you can move on with your life.
If this is an issue that’s chronically coming up in many areas of your life, then it might be a time for you to really evaluate whether you could use some extra support by seeking out therapy. [3] X Expert Source Nicole Moshfegh, PsyDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 5 August 2021. If you have an urge to hurt yourself or others, seek help immediately. Self-harm and/or violent tendencies can signal underlying disorders and you don’t have to live like that! If you’re in the United States, call 911 or the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (which can be reached by calling or texting 988), or search online for your country’s resources. If your feelings are inappropriate or illegal– for example, sexual feelings for minors or an overwhelming urge to use illegal drugs– please seek help from a licensed counselor or psychologist. There are treatment plans available for you. If you don’t have a mental health care provider, your general practitioner can give you a recommendation. If you have ongoing feelings of despair, sadness, or like life does not have the same meaning it used to have, you may be experiencing depression. Seek help from a licensed mental health care provider, who can help you with a personalized treatment plan. Ask your general practitioner for a recommendation.
Spending time alone will only cause your feelings to grow and create more opportunities for you to accidentally give yourself away– a hug that lingers too long, a brush of the hands that leads to hand-holding, or a gaze into his or her eyes that says more than you meant to say. Keeping other friends nearby can give you a way to avoid those tempting scenarios and also keep your affection from growing. If you typically spend time alone with this person, avoid setting off any alarm bells in their mind by gradually shifting to more group-oriented get togethers. For example, if you usually grab drinks after work together, arrange beforehand for another mutual friend to meet up with the you at a particular location. That way, when the object of your feelings asks if you want to grab a drink, you can say that you already have plans but he or she is welcome to join.
Similarly, don’t go out of your way to run errands or do favors for your friend. It might be easy to go overboard with helpful favors since you really like this person and care for his or her well-being, but it will be obvious that your feelings are not what they were before if you start acting in new ways.
Try to think of them as a sibling. If a relationship with this person is just not possible (for instance, you’re gay and they are not, or they are married), the best thing you can do is re-frame how you view the person so that he or she is off-limits to you, too, instead of just the other way around.
For example, if your friend is married or in a serious relationship, and you cannot stop thinking about them romantically and you are afraid you are going to try to act on your feelings, it might be better for both of you to lose a friendship than for your friend to lose their marriage.
Be ready to change the subject or divert the focus from you if the sensitive topic arises. When questioned about your feelings you have to have a determined-sounding response and fire back your response without too much (or too little) delay. One of the biggest tell-tale signs of someone who is hiding their feelings is that they become uncharacteristically quiet or standoffish. If you want to hide your feelings, you have to hide the fact that you’re hiding them as well! So be sure to try not to come across as overly quiet. [4] X Research source
Many people believe that making eye contact is a sign that the speaker is telling the truth so this along with your brief responses will help to keep your feelings secret.
In many cases, time will help alleviate some of your emotions, and you will be able to resume your relationship once things have cooled down. In some cases, such as instances of extreme betrayal or abuse, it might be better to eliminate that relationship altogether.
Avoid drugs or alcohol. Many people who are sad or experiencing unrequited love turn to alcohol or drugs to cope with the pain, but doing so tends to make the sadness even worse when soberness returns, and can lead to problems with addiction and health consequences. Watch out for the sugar trap. Many people cope with sadness or feelings of rejection by eating, particularly carb- and sugar-heavy foods like ice cream and chocolate. But the body responds to sugar and carbs by creating a fake emotional “high” that quickly plummets into a sugar crash that is even worse than the way you felt before you ate the sugar. Don’t fall into that trap![5] X Research source Don’t turn to empty relationships and sex. Especially if your feelings are related to unexpressed love or feelings of rejection from a romantic partner, you might be tempted to turn to casual sex and empty relationships to fill that void. But these relationships will not fill your craving for affection and intimacy. Give yourself time to grieve your lost love and then give it time. You will find someone to fill the emotional needs you have as well as the physical ones.
Practice mindfulness and staying present. [6] X Expert Source Nicole Moshfegh, PsyDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 5 August 2021. Try exercise. Focusing your anger or disappointment on physical fitness can be a great way to distract yourself. Consider high intensity exercise like boxing, weightlifting, or circuit training. Just be sure you don’t take it too far and exercise without resting or without taking proper precautions to protect your body from injuries. Learn a new art form. Expressing yourself through creativity can help to get some of your emotions out in safe, healthy ways. Try painting, writing music, writing short stories or poetry, or a craft like sewing or woodworking. Even if the art is unrelated to your particular feelings that you’re hiding, it can be a way to take your mind off of things and focus your energy on something productive.
Set aside 15-20 minutes a day to journal in order to process your emotions. Ask yourself, “How has my day been so far? What has been coming up for me?"[7] X Expert Source Nicole Moshfegh, PsyDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 5 August 2021. Feelings of anger should not automatically result in shouting fests. In fact, yelling when you’re angry often makes it hard to communicate what it is that has you upset, and also makes it more likely that the person you’re yelling at will tune you out and not listen. Instead, let anger lead you to be more assertive and brave in your confrontations without letting it get the better of you. Use your anger to guide you toward rational conversations that can help solve the problem rather than creating new ones. [8] X Research source Express your sadness without fearing that you shouldn’t. Some people have been raised to think that it’s childish or inappropriate to cry or mourn a loss, especially for men, but actually letting yourself feel sadness when sad things happen is an important sign of maturity. It’s ok to feel sad and let yourself experience that feeling by crying. [9] X Research source Expressing your feelings can help you avoid negative health consequences of holding them in, such as hypertension, depression, and weight gain. [10] X Research source Check out this helpful wikiHow article for more advice about healthy ways to express your emotions.
