Before meeting up with someone, think of three predetermined topics you can fall back on if conversation lags. Remind yourself of any recent trips, work events, or relationships your friend has told you about. Ask questions about their school or work, passions or hobbies, family and friends, or their background (where they came from or their family history). You can also use context cues from earlier parts of the conversation to determine whether to drop a subject or continue it. For example, if earlier, the person lit up when talking about riding bulls, you might ask them about other bull riders, or cowboy culture, or what it was like the first time they rode. If you’re not sure what the person would like to talk about, ask questions that you would enjoy being asked yourself. [2] X Expert Source Cristina MoraraDating Coach Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.

On the other hand, open-ended questions demand more from the answerer. For example, instead of asking the question “So, you studied a year abroad in 2006, is that right?,” try asking “What was it like studying abroad?” The second question will give the person you’re talking to more room to elaborate on their answer. If you do ask a “yes” or “no” close-ended question, recover by saying something like “Tell me more. " Fun creative icebreaker questions include “what were you like in high school?” or “what is one thing people would be really surprised to learn about you?"[4] X Expert Source Cristina MoraraDating Coach Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.

If you misunderstand some part of the message, ask a clarifying question, like “Are you saying…?” If you’re a good listener, you can use any unexplored topics touched on earlier in the conversation to keep things moving. For instance, you might say, “Earlier I heard you mention. . . " Express empathy as you listen by putting yourself in the other person’s shoes.

Encouragers may also be nodding or mirroring the other person’s facial expression, such as looking surprised or upset.

For example, there’s a long silence and you think how uncomfortable your feet are in your heels. Blurting out “Geez, these heels are killing my feet!” may seem weird. But that honest statement could lead to a conversation about a feminist viewpoint of not wearing high heels or a discussion about a time when someone fell because they were wearing ridiculously high heels.

For instance, if you misspoke and said something offensive, immediately back-track and apologize. Don’t act like it didn’t happen.

You don’t have to bust out with a joke to make someone laugh. Well-timed sarcasm and wit can do the job just as effectively. For example, you keep mentioning your interest in anime to the other person. After the third mention, you might say, “So, I guess I need to stop mentioning anime before you think I’m a freak. . . I am. I’m an anime freak. I carry a costume around with me of my favorite character. Just kidding!”

For example, you asked “What do you do for a living?” After some time, you might dig deeper by asking, “Why did you choose that career?” Generally, “why” questions help you dig deeper into information that has already been shared. As you’re asking more intimate questions, pay close attention to cues about the other person’s comfort level. If they start to seem uncomfortable, back up and ask less intimate questions. Try to stay on top of current events so you always have something to contribute to a conversation. You can ask someone their opinion on a current political issue or development in the world, for example.

A few seconds of silence are completely normal. Don’t feel the need to rush in and fill it. However, if silence becomes too protracted, pivot to a new topic by saying, “I’m interested in hearing more about what you were saying earlier about…”

Another way to show you’re relaxed is by loosening up your shoulders. Drop them down and backwards if they’re tense.

To exhibit interest during certain parts of the conversation, lean forward towards the person.

Aim for about half the time when you are speaking and 70 percent of the time when you are listening. Sticking to this ratio helps you remember how much eye contact to make without staring someone down.

It’s perfectly okay if this doesn’t feel normal to you at first. Give it a try. Over time, you may come to feel more at ease.