For example, you may be able to tolerate them dominating conversations, but you are not able to accept when they insult you. Narcissists are infamous for walking over people and abusing their goodwill, so you need to know your limits.
For instance, the narcissist may be more likely to manipulate you in front of a group. Noticing this pattern can help you learn which scenarios to be on guard against. It also helps you figure out how to phrase your boundaries.
State your boundaries with confidence, lifting your chin, making eye contact, and keeping your voice strong and steady. That way, the narcissist knows you’re serious.
Setting consequences doesn’t have to be the end of the relationship, you can tell the narcissist “I’ll be happy to continue talking when you are able to communicate without insults. ” Keep in mind that enforcing consequences may not cause the narcissist to change their behavior.
For example, the narcissist may insult you anyway just to see if you will actually do anything about it. If this happens, you must enforce the consequences to show them you mean what you say. If you waiver on setting boundaries, the narcissist won’t respect you.
Being a little self-obsessed or high in confidence is common, but these traits are different from full-blown narcissism. Pay attention to who they spend their time with. Narcissists tend to be in relationships with people who won’t speak up and stand up for themselves.
For example, if the narcissist in your life lied to you about something, they probably won’t own up to the behavior. They are more likely to recall saying things differently or blame you in some way. You’ll save yourself trouble by not expecting the narcissist to accept blame for any wrongdoing.
For example, if your narcissistic brother wants money in exchange for yard work, be sure the work gets done in advance before the cash changes hands. Otherwise, the narcissist is unlikely to follow through with their end of the bargain.
For instance, say, “Hey, Sally, it’d be great if you could help out with the charity dinner. I know volunteer hours will look good on your resume. ”
For example, instead of “I need to figure out a solution,” say “We need to figure out a solution, Dave. " Making this small change to your language will improve interactions with the narcissist by making it seem like you are on the same side.
For example, if your narcissistic partner cheats, it doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. They likely saw an opportunity and took it without considering the consequences. It wasn’t done specifically to hurt you. If you must, try repeating something to yourself like, “Narcissism is about them, not me. ”
When you need someone to talk to, reach out to loved ones and share what’s going on. Talk to people who are willing to listen to your side of things and give support as needed. Try to carve out time for supportive people weekly, so that you can get the attention and nurturing that the narcissist does not give.
Make a list of all your best character traits. Read the list aloud whenever you need an extra lift to your confidence. Make your list even more empowering by reading each trait after saying, “I am. ” For example, you might say, “I am kind” or “I am a great listener. ”
Visit the spa or try self-massage. Go to lunch with friends. Journal your feelings, listen to music, or take a warm bath.
Contact a local mental health clinic to find support groups or counselors in your community. Work with your counselor and support group and ask yourself if it’s worth living with the person or whether you may need to leave them.
