Think of something you do like, and then find someone else with a similar interest. Do you a have a friend who also loves Jurassic Park? Invite them over for a movie marathon. Have you been bitter that you haven’t had time to exercise? Ask a friend to meet you at the pool or track on Saturday afternoon for a workout. Meet new people whom you find interesting and fun. You can meet people anywhere that you enjoy going: talks, seminars, your gym, or maybe even your workplace. Look for people who would want to do activities with you or try something new.
Many people try a couple of different therapists before they find the one that works best for them. Schedule meetings with a couple of different doctors to see whom you like the best and want to work with.
Talk to someone you wouldn’t typically engage Volunteer at a soup kitchen Go to a sports event alone
Join an exercise class or group for a sport or activity you haven’t mastered Learn a new language by taking classes at the local community college Get involved in a political campaign for a candidate or issue that inspires you
If you’re jaded about every finding love, give online dating a try. If you’ve done it before, try other sites or a speed dating event. If your job is the root of feeling jaded, start looking for other work. If that’s difficult to find, ask if your work will support you getting new training or certifications, allowing you to do different activities that will be counted as work. If your housing situation has you down, consider your possibilities. If you’re still living with your parents, for example, and renting an apartment by yourself is too expensive, think about splitting with roommates or renting a room in someone’s house.
When you find yourself with a negative thought, first identify the situation (such as tension with a coworker) and note how you think about the situation. What do you tell yourself about the situation? Then, challenge this thinking: whether you are jumping to negative conclusions, focusing only on the negative aspects, or undervaluing your own worth, think about the other possibilities. What have you done well? What are your positive qualities? Forgive yourself for your mistakes. You are only human, and you deserve forgiveness. Remind yourself that mistakes happen to everyone, and they do not make you a terrible person or define your life. Focus on positive things about yourself. Write down a list of all the things you like about yourself. Give yourself a compliment whenever you feel yourself getting discouraged. [8] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source
Set goals for yourself. Divide larger goals (such as getting in shape) into smaller goals (such as running a mile without stopping, doing 20 consecutive squats, or taking a spin class) so that you can see how far you’ve come. Know that you always have choices in your life. Whether it’s what you eat for breakfast or whether or not you go to law school, know that your own personal choices always affect your life and the events in it. Whenever you find yourself feeling helpless, remind yourself that your choices are important for your life. [10] X Research source
Think about what you want to say before you say it. Whether you want your spouse to take on more household responsibilities or are trying to ask for a promotion from your boss, sometimes it is best to think about and rehearse what you’re going to say before you say it. [11] X Expert Source Erin Conlon, PCC, JDExecutive Life Coach Expert Interview. 31 August 2021. Say “no” more. It’s okay to say no when you’re too busy at work to take on a new task or don’t want to get coffee with an unpleasant coworker. Take more control of your life and your time by exercising your ability to decline invitations and responsibilities. However, make sure that you’re being polite. Say what you think, feel, or want. Use statements that begin with “I” to increase the effectiveness of your assertiveness. Instead of saying, “That’s not fair to me,” try saying something along the lines of, “I feel that this new policy is unfair because. . . “[12] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source
Now, what can you do about this? Are there people in your life that you can forgive or apologize to? Is there a way that you can retroactively make amends or try the task again? Think actively, not passively. Try not to dwell on the past but rather think about what you can do in the present and future. Realize that taking responsibility involves learning about what you can learn from this situation. If you were in the same situation today, how would you act differently? What have you learned about communication and yourself? Think of accepting your responsibility as taking the first step towards improving yourself. Neither you nor the world is without mistakes and errors, so accepting this fact and learning from it is important to reducing your bitterness. [14] X Research source
For example, if you are bitter because you feel like someone else got the praise you deserved at work, forgive your boss and your coworker. You do not have to explicitly say that you forgive them, but you could write in a journal about how and why you forgive them. If someone did wrong you, forgive that person explicitly. For example, if your spouse was unfaithful and you have been feeling bitter about it, try to release your bitterness and forgive your spouse. Tell them, no matter how long after the incident occurred, that you forgive them.
Be grateful. Think about the positive qualities that you’ve gained by overcoming adversity, as well as what you have to look forward to in life. Make a list of the things for which you’re grateful in your life. Pay more attention to the positive things than the negative things. Change your narrative. Rather than thinking of yourself as a victim in your story, rewrite your past so that you are the hero who perseveres. Instead of thinking just about the bad event that happened to you, consider that you persevered in spite of these setbacks. [18] X Research source
