Imagine your ideal circumstance. If you know what you want from them, you might have a good reason to seek their love. You may find out that you don’t have a great reason. Maybe you miss how good it felt to be loved, but don’t really want to get back together. In this case, leave them alone. Be clear why you want this person’s love and help that motivate you to win their affection.
See what it’s like to be with them and what emotions it brings up for both of you. Does it seem likely that you can win back their love?
If they are clear that they do not want to love you, say, “I respect your decision, even if I feel differently. Please know that this is what I want and I’m leaving the door open if you want to reconsider. ”
For example, if you tend to be a funny person and they enjoyed your humor, reach out with a joke or silly story. If you don’t know your best attributes, write out the characteristics you think you embody. For example, you might write kind, thoughtful, sincere, forgiving, funny, caring, generous, intelligent, and open-minded.
For example, if the person likes to make constant eye contact, they may think your fleeting eye contact is dismissive, while someone who prefers less eye contact might find your steady gaze intimidating.
You don’t need to travel to a tropical island to reconnect. Just do something that helps you spend time and feel close, like taking a walk or a hike. Show your thoughtfulness by recreating activities that you’ve done together in the past that have been memorable and enjoyable. For example, go back to a special restaurant or rent the first movie you watched together.
Be intentionally silly or playful. Remind them of how much fun you have together.
If you’ve made mistakes, admit them. Say how you’ve grown since making the mistake and how you will avoid future similar mistakes. Don’t be afraid to ask hard questions, either.
However, if they ask you to leave them alone or to give them more space, respect their request. Do not stalk them or give them more attention than they’d like. You don’t want to turn them off or have them upset with you for going overboard on your attention and affection.
If you feel scared being vulnerable or feel like you are unlovable, work with a therapist. They can help you uncover your insecurities, work through your wounds, and build your self-esteem.
Say, “I know I made some mistakes, and I regret them. I was different then and have learned to be a better person. ”
If you hurt the other person, don’t expect to earn their trust right away. Show them that you can be trusted by being honest.
For example, if the person became distant or broke up with you due to your addiction, make this part of your motivation to get sober.
Don’t just say that you’ll get treatment for an addiction. Find a therapist, go to a treatment center, or enroll in rehabilitation as soon as you can. Solve specific problems. For example, if you tend to lose your temper, enroll in anger management and practice your new skills so that you can interact differently. Once you’ve taken action, talk to them. Say, “I’m making changes to make this work. I want this, so I’m willing to do what it takes. ”
