“I’m just waiting for you to say something interesting. Take your time. ” “Sorry, I’ve got literally anywhere else to be right now. ”
Pat your pockets and say, “Oof, I’m out of crap to give. ” “Remind me: am I supposed to care?”
“Oh, stay right there! You’re best from far away. ” “Wait, take a step back real quick. And another… And another…”
“Don’t mind me, just looking for your mute button. ” “I wish you had a volume slider. ”
“A pet rock would be more fun than you. ” “Oh! Did you escape from the zoo again?”
“Do you smell that? Smells like B. S. ”
“Were you born this lame? Or did you take lessons?” “You remind me of a saltine. Bland and disappointing. ”
“Remember when we first met? Personally, I try not to. ” “I wish we could go back to before we met. And then keep it that way. ”
“I try not to punch down. ” “Insulting you would just be mean. You’ve got enough on your plate without me adding to it. ”
“I’d agree with you, but then I’d be wrong. ” “You’re so wrong that you’re almost right. ”
“You need to talk to someone? Not me, obviously. But someone. ” “I kinda feel bad for you. Get help. ”
“Too bad there’s no cure for jealous. ” “Let me know when they find out what’s wrong with you. ”
“Do me a favor and walk into a volcano or something. ”
“You’re like a Happy Meal toy. Cheap. ” “Bet you make onions cry when you chop them. ”
“Your ego’s so big it has its own gravity. ” “Call me an astronaut ‘cause I space out when I talk to you. ”
“Must be nice to never use your brain. ”
