Relationship issues: moving in together, getting married, having a child, healing your relationship after cheating, building trust, increasing intimacy Lifestyle changes: changing your diet, exercising more or being more active generally, quitting smoking or drinking, going green (recycling, reducing your carbon footprint), going vegan Other changes: getting a new pet, moving to a different city, starting a new job or project, doing chores at home
If you want to convince him to move in together, you might say, “We’ve been dating for 5 years now. We should move in together so we can see each other more and start building a life together. "
For example, suppose you want you and your boyfriend to quit smoking or vaping. If your actual motivation is simply that most of your friends don’t smoke anymore and you don’t feel “cool” doing it, just say so. This can be powerful if your reasons are a bit embarrassing because you’re making yourself vulnerable by sharing them.
For example, does your boyfriend dislike being put on the spot? If you present the issue out of the blue and demand a decision immediately, his answer will probably be “no. "
For example, say you want to convince your boyfriend to adopt a dog with you. Research different breeds to figure out which ones fit your lifestyle. Then, check with breeders or local shelters to learn more about the adoption process. If you’re proposing a lifestyle change, look for medical sources that highlight the possible health benefits. You can find reliable sources to back up your position on a relationship issue, too. For example, if you want to move in together, look for psychological articles on the benefits of moving in together.
For example, if you want to go vegan but your boyfriend loves bacon, look for good vegan alternatives to bacon that you can have him try. Many changes come with financial considerations. If you want to persuade your boyfriend to get a new pet with you, move to a different city, or buy a house, consider multiple financial scenarios. A professional financial advisor can help you with this.
For example, if you want to get a dog, research how to prevent it from chewing on things and how to potty train effectively. Want to cut down to one vehicle and start biking to work? Make a plan for when the weather’s bad. Thinking about going vegan? Find vegan replacements for your favorite foods.
You might say, “I have something big I need to talk to you about. Do you have time to chat before work tomorrow?” When someone asks for a conversation like this, a lot of people assume it’s something bad. Put him at ease by saying, “There’s something I’m really excited about that I’d like to share with you. Can we talk about it after dinner this evening?”
Allow plenty of time to unwind from an activity before you get started. If you try to tackle this right after you both get home from work, you might be too keyed up to have a calm, productive discussion. If you don’t live together or have roommates, you might prefer a neutral, third location, such as a local park or a quiet café.
You might say, “We’ve been together for 5 years now, and in that time I’ve always been grateful for your love and support. I want us to get a dog. I’ve always had dogs growing up. They make me happy and I want to share that happiness with you. "
You might say, “If we exercise together, we’ll both gain more stamina and increase our life expectancy. That’s more time we’ll have to chase our dreams together. "
If you want to buy a house together, you might tell him about the market research you’ve done on available homes in the area, or real estate agents you’ve talked to.
For example, if he says that he’s interested in a vegan lifestyle but he’s concerned about getting enough protein in his diet, you might say, “I hear you, and that’s a legitimate concern. I did some research, though. . . " Try to empathize with his point of view. You might say, “I understand that you’re worried our relationship will change if we get married. I thought about that, too, but I know we can work together to make sure nothing bad happens. “[15] X Expert Source Maureen TaylorCommunications Coach Expert Interview. 6 March 2019.
If you’re really excited about whatever it is, don’t be afraid to let your enthusiasm show! Enthusiasm can be contagious. If he sees that you’re excited, he’ll be more likely to get swept up in it. For example, if you’ve suggested buying a house and he’s unsure about the financial implications, offer to set up an appointment with a financial advisor.
Share any specific resources that you think have good information. For example, if you want to adopt a dog, point him to the AKC website for information on different breeds. If you’re recommending a relationship change, suggest that you go to a couples’ counselor together to discuss the change.
Ask him how much time he needs. Say something like, “I know this might seem a bit sudden for you. How about you take some time to think about it and we can revisit the subject next week?” Be careful about the words you use here. If you say you’re going to give him time, it sounds as though you’re the one in control. Use language like, “you take some time” or “do what you need to do. "
Go ahead and sign up for any services you need or make necessary appointments. Your boyfriend will appreciate the initiative and it will prove to him how important this is to you. If he didn’t agree and it’s something you can start on your own, try to lead by example. He might get on board if he sees the positive effects in real life. This works best if he was on the fence about it, rather than outright opposed. [20] X Research source
For example, if you want you and your boyfriend to transition to a plant-based diet, start by having one plant-based meal a week. The following week, eat two plant-based meals, and so on, until ultimately you’re only eating plant-based food. If your goal is to increase your physical activity, start with walking. Then, increase the time you spend walking by 5 minutes each day.
It can help to set up a regular time—say, every 2 weeks or so—to go over what you’ve accomplished and how you’re both feeling. That way, you can adjust as necessary and maintain your forward momentum.
You might say, “I respect your decision, but this is something I really want. Can we revisit this issue in two months?” If you agree to revisit the issue later, don’t keep talking about it in the meantime. He’ll only feel like you’re nagging or pressuring him. Mark your calendar and don’t mention it until the date the two of you agreed to discuss it again. Let him know where your mind is at. You might say, “I respect your decision not to get married, but I’m not sure how much longer I can stay in a romantic relationship with you knowing that marriage isn’t on the table. “[25] X Research source
