Instead of saying “I should be working on next week’s presentation instead of sitting out here in the garden,” allow yourself some time to relax and schedule in some work time for later. Rather than telling yourself “I should get every question right on this test,” try “I’ll do my best and look carefully to avoid silly mistakes. ”
Add words like “acceptable” and “good enough” to your vocabulary, and use them when evaluating tasks and your results.
For instance, say to yourself “If I mess up this part, we’ll all have a laugh and move on,” based on what you’ve observed when others have done the same thing. Part of catastrophic thought is “probability overestimation” — that is, overplaying your odds of failure or of negative consequences from failure. Try to look at the situation from a detached perspective and consider the true “odds. ”
Don’t assess how “perfect” of a job you did — just focus on what you got done. After all, by June 30th, does it matter how well you mowed the lawn on June 1st?
wearing a shirt with a stain on it on purpose. inviting someone over without tidying up the house. shorting yourself on bus fare so you have to ask someone for a dime. making a few intentional grammar mistakes in an email. pretending to lose your train of thought while speaking in front of a group.
And, even if people do notice, are they bothered by it at all? As long as you’re fulfilling the essential requirements of the task, the answer will almost always be “no. ”
The other person will complete the task to an acceptable level. The other person will do an unacceptable job and will face the consequences. The job won’t get done and no one will seem to care all that much.
For example, you might worry about being late to work and think, “If I am late, I will get into trouble. ” Ask yourself, “so what?” “I might get a written warning or even get fired. ” “So what?” “I might have to look for a new job?” “So what?” “If I can’t find a new job, I could end up having to move back in with my parents or borrow money from a friend to get by. ” Although this scenario would be unpleasant, you would still be okay if this happened.
Are you giving up time with your family or friends? Have you stopped doing (or never started doing) a hobby you really like? Have you lost one or more promising romantic relationships? Are you missing out on adequate sleep, exercise, meal times, or “me time”? Use the list you create to consider your priorities and determine whether trying to be perfect is worth what you’re losing.
If the short-term answer is “yes,” ask yourself “Will it matter in 5 months/weeks whether this was done perfectly?” Be honest with yourself — how good of a job do you need to do for it to truly matter in the long term?
If you expect the impossible from yourself but not others, envision someone else doing the same task you’re doing. Would they have to be either “perfect” or a “failure,” or could they do a “good enough” job? If so, why can’t you? If you feel like you have to do everything yourself, take some time observing other people accomplishing tasks and how their peers/superiors/etc. respond to them. If everyone else seems to think the job has been adequately done, remind yourself to accept the “will of the majority. "
Things must be “perfect” because, if they aren’t, very bad things will happen. Things left “not perfect” cause you serious anxiety. The repetitive nature of your perfectionism is causing a serious disruption to your daily life. If you ever feel like harming yourself as a “deserved” self-punishment for your “failures,” seek help right away. [11] X Research source
Don’t waste time worrying about what you can’t (yet) do.
Perfectionism can often cause the opposite of a timely result because the uncertainty that comes with it leads to procrastination. Knowing what you want to achieve not only helps you go in the right direction, it also helps you know when you are finished. Make sure to break up your goals into manageable tasks to avoid becoming overwhelmed by them. For example, if your goal is to lose weight, then focus on losing 5 pounds at a time or exercising regularly rather than on your overall weight loss goal.
Study to learn, rather than to get a perfect score. Eat and exercise for health and fitness, not for simple weight targets.
Make this sort of upkeep work a regular, brief part of the routine and things will stay at an acceptable, pretty good level. On a longer or more detailed project, a deadline, even a self-imposed one, can get you started and keep you moving instead of worrying over details. Break things up into smaller parts or intermediate goals if they’re too big.
Recognize the beauty and benefits in imperfection. Dissonant harmonies in music can create tension and drama. Leaves left on the ground insulate plants’ roots and decompose to nourish the soil.
