For example, jealousy is what you feel when you see your girlfriend flirting with another guy. Envy is what you feel when you see a friend driving up in a brand new sports car.
Taking up your time Consuming your thoughts Ruining your personal and professional relationships Warping your personality Creating negativity
For example, are you envious because you want a car like the one he has? Or are you envious of his ability to afford something so expensive? Try to figure out which fear your envy is tapping into. For example, the fear could be connected to your own lack of self-esteem or your inability to trust yourself. [5] X Expert Source Tala Johartchi, PsyDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 16 July 2021.
For example, you might write about your friend driving up in his new sports car and how that made you feel. What was your mood like at the time? How did you feel when he pulled up? What did you feel like doing/saying? What did you actually do/say? How did you feel after he left? How do you feel thinking back on it? What would you like to feel?
For example, maybe you’re envious of your friend’s amazing career, which has taken off while yours is still in its fledgling stage. Try to be more patient with yourself - you’ll get your turn in the spotlight if you just keep working hard. Envy stems from being judgmental in general - thinking that this is better than that, and making your decisions based on getting what you don’t have. Try to be more open minded instead of deciding that some qualities are good to have and some aren’t.
Remember that you are not forgiving the other person for wrongdoing. You are choosing to view their situation from their perspective. By considering their perspective, you can empathize with their pride and accomplishments in a compassionate way. For example, you might say something like, “I am proud with Sharon for having so much success in her career. I also forgive myself for being behind her on my path to success. ”
It might help you to state your admiration out loud. For example, you might say to your friend, “Congratulations on the new car! I am really happy for you and all of your success. ”
For example, if you are envious of a friend’s new sports car because you wish you had the financial freedom to afford something like that, make it your goal to earn and/or save more money. Break larger goals into smaller, measurable goals. For example, if your goal is to earn and/or save more money. One of your smaller goals might be to look for a higher paying job or find out about opportunities for advancement at your current job. Another small goal might be to save $20 per week.
Remember that it’s ok to be at a different stage in your life than other people. For instance, just because you might not have the job or partner you want yet, doesn’t mean you’re any less of a person than the person you’re envious of. Life is not a serious of boxes we all check off on our way to happiness. Everyone travels a different path, and no one’s is more meaningful or better than anyone else’s.
Reflecting on the fact that everyone has a struggle, need, or want may be enough to remind you that everyone is in the same boat. It’s not necessary to go digging to find out what soft spots the person has! Rest assure there is something you aren’t seeing. Try to put aside your thoughts of envy and focus on yourself.
When you find your mind drifting to the realm of what you don’t have, make a conscious effort to think about what you do have. Do this every single time you feel those pangs of envy. If you refuse to let your mind dwell, and focus instead on what makes you special and great, you’ll start having a much more positive outlook. Realize that not everyone has what you have - in fact, your talents and assets might even be the source of others’ envy.
For example, if you wish you had your friend’s musical talent, and you want nothing more than to be a singer-songwriter, try your best to become what you want to be. Pour your soul into making music, take voice lessons, perform at open mic nights - give it all you’ve got. If you think you have a shot at making it in the music scene, or you just feel so passionate about music that you want to spend your life singing, don’t let anything stop you. On the other hand, there are some things in life that aren’t affected by hard work and strong desire. If you’re in love with your friend’s wife, and they’re happily married, you’re going to have to accept that this is something you can’t change. It’s important to come to a place of acceptance before your envy turns into an extremely negative force.
Your talents Your favorite physical features Your best friend Your dog Your favorite foods Things that make you laugh Memories that make you smile Future occasions to which you’re looking forward Favorite items you own Accomplishments
If you give this a try, consider all complaining off limits - even complaints about yourself. No cutting yourself down, comparing yourself unfavorably to someone else, or wishing things were different. You might realize that your complaining impacts those around you as well. It’s really not fun to be around someone who is constantly seeing the glass as half empty. Changing your attitude could result in improved relationships.
Advertisements. If you’re constantly seeing ads for clothes you can’t afford, for example, you might feel envious of those who have nice clothes. The ads are making your envy worse. You might have to stop watching TV and read a novel instead of fashion magazines for a week. Social media. If you feel stung by the “humble” braggarts when you log into Facebook, you aren’t alone. In fact, studies show that envy increases with Facebook use. [13] X Research source If you tend to lurk on Facebook and other social media a lot, turn it off for at least a week.
Research has suggested that complimenting the person you envy can benefit you. Look for ways to compliment the person you envy on their hard work and other attributes that you value. [14] X Research source
