Note that emotional abuse doesn’t just occur in romantic relationships. A friend, relative, peer, teacher, or someone else in your life could try to embarrass you or constantly dismiss your opinions.
In a romantic relationship, an abusive partner might try to control your finances and make you ask permission before spending any money. They might also want to know what you’re doing at all times, and demand the password to your phone, email, and social media accounts.
An abuser might also attempt to manipulate your emotions by threatening to harm themselves if you do something they don’t want you to do. [4] X Trustworthy Source US Office on Women’s Health U. S. government agency providing resources for women’s health Go to source
In addition to never admitting to a fault, emotional abusers often can’t laugh at themselves and don’t tolerate being teased by others.
Additionally, they might not have many other connections with other people. They might demand your constant attention and discourage you from forming personal relationships with other people.
Constantly second-guessing yourself. The need to apologizing for everything, even for insignificant or non-existent errors. Constantly finding excuses for the abusive person’s behavior. Difficulty making simple choices. Feeling that you’re not good enough for the emotionally abusive person.
Forms of emotional abuse might include belittling or degrading a child (especially in public), name-calling, constantly ignoring a child, not allowing them to make friends, withholding positive emotions or encouragement, and failing to meet their dietary, hygienic, and other basic needs.
On its own, emotional abuse is a serious matter. It could also be sign of present physical abuse or escalate to physical violence in the future. If you think something’s wrong, don’t hesitate to act on your concerns.
If you think that a romantic partner or friend might be mistreating you but are unsure, discuss your feelings with a trusted loved one or mental health professional. Keep in mind an emotionally abusive person will try to excuse their behavior, make you think their actions are normal, or blame you.
Don’t dwell on prior signs you think you should have recognized or decisions you could have made in the past. Remember that emotional abuse can be subtle and barely noticeable at first, or it can occur suddenly with no warning signs.
If you find that you are in a codependent relationship with your abuser, a counselor can help you refocus. Some signs of codependency include difficulty making decisions, difficulty communicating, valuing your partner’s approval above your own, poor self-esteem, and making excuses for your partner’s behavior. [13] X Research source If you’re in a romantic relationship with the abuser, seeking couples counseling to save the relationship is a difficult, personal decision. For instance, it’s normal to feel like you should try to save your relationship if you’ve spent 10 happy years with someone whose behavior has changed only recently. A counselor can help you understand how serious the situation is, affirm that the abusive behavior is unacceptable, and help you both develop skills to improve your relationship. Involving a mental health professional might help your partner understand that they need to change their behavior or the relationship must end. Couples counseling is unlikely to remedy cases of long-term emotional abuse. If your situation is long-term, has escalated, or you’ve been threatened with physical violence, focus on empowering yourself to end the relationship and move forward. [14] X Research source
End the relationship as long as it’s safe to do so. If you live with an emotionally abusive partner and are concerned they might become violent, you might not be able to safely leave right away. If necessary, develop a safety plan and get help from your loved ones and legal authorities. [16] X Research source If you feel afraid or alone, you can always reach out to support organizations for help and guidance. In the U. S. , for example, you could call the National Domestic Violence Hotline. [17] X Trustworthy Source National Domestic Violence Hotline Organization providing lifesaving tools, support, and resources for victims and survivors of domestic abuse Go to source
For example, if they insult you or dismiss your opinions, try to stay calm and ignore them. Instead of engaging them by showing them you’re upset or explaining your opinion, try visualizing calm surroundings or singing a happy song to yourself. Do what they say if you think you need to comply in order to prevent physical violence. For instance, you might need to let them look through your phone if they threaten violence. Remember to get help and leave a physically abusive situation as soon as you can safely do so.
In addition to reaching out to friends and relatives, you can also get help from a local domestic abuse shelter or community organization, talk to a counselor, and look for legal resources from local criminal justice organizations.
Describe the person’s abusive behavior and threatening language to the emergency services operator. When authorities arrive, they’ll question the person and, depending on your local laws and the nature of your complaint, take them into custody. Ask officers for a copy of the police report. After the crisis, file a restraining order against the abusive person if you’re concerned about your safety.
Tell the emergency services operator if the abusive person has a history of mental illness, and ask for responders trained in diffusing emergencies related to mental illness. If they regularly threaten suicide to control you, don’t give in to their threats. Tell them that you are not responsible for their choices and that you will not give in to their demands. Maintaining your boundaries and leaving someone who repeatedly threatens suicide aren’t easy. Remind yourself that these patterns are unhealthy, that your partner’s intention is to control and intimidate you, and that they are responsible for their own actions.
If you live an emotional abusive romantic partner, try to pack essential documents, such your driver’s license, passport, social security card, and birth certificate. Try to pack medications, valuables, and any other essential valuables. If possible, open a new bank account that your abusive partner can’t access. Make a copy of your car keys and hide them in case your partner takes away your keys. Memorize the phone numbers of trusted loved ones in case your partner takes away your phone. You could also get an emergency cell phone just in case. Many shelters offer free emergency prepaid phones.
It’s helpful to bring a picture of the abuser, their home and work addresses, a written description of their abusive actions, and any photographs, medical records, or police reports related to the abuse. Ask a trusted friend or relative to go to the courthouse with you to provide moral support. There are no fees for requesting a domestic violence protective order, and you do not need a lawyer to file one.
Ask them to set aside some time to chat without any distractions. Clear your schedule, and choose a time when you won’t receive work calls or get called away by any other duties. If you or your loved one have children, ask someone to look after the kids during your conversation.
For example, you could refer them to websites for domestic abuse support organizations to read up on the issue on their own terms. If they resist or make excuses, let them know that you understand the situation is complicated. Tell them, “I understand this is difficult. I don’t want to pressure you or make you uncomfortable. I’ve just been worried about you and want you to know I’m here to help in any way I can. ” They might not want to leave the situation, or they may leave and go back several times. Continue to be supportive, and encourage them to talk to a counselor or social worker. Say, “If you’re not ready to leave, I’m still here for you, no matter what you decide to do. ”
You might be suspect that a loved one is the target of abuse, witness or hear troubling behavior next door, or see concerning signs in a child and not know what to do. Look online for a local community organization dedicated to preventing domestic violence or child abuse. Tell them what you’ve observed and ask what actions they recommend. You could ask a trusted loved one for advice.
You could also contact a local community organization focused on domestic or child abuse. Provide details about your observations, and ask that you remain anonymous. They can then get in touch with the appropriate authorities.
