If you don’t know the person’s pronouns and can’t ask them about it, using they/them/theirs is a good option until you can ask. You probably shouldn’t ask someone’s pronouns in the middle of the group, but instead, wait for an opportunity to pull them aside and ask. Don’t refer to a nonbinary/trans person as “it”, unless they use “it” as a pronoun, which some nonbinary people do. This is dehumanizing and frequently upsetting.
For example, if you slip up and accidentally call your friend “he,” just correct yourself and continue what you were saying. Try not to apologize for using the wrong pronouns. Although it may seem like a nice way to correct yourself, it might make the person feel like they’re a burden to you. Instead of saying something like “We went to the party and we saw her. . sorry! their-,” just quickly correct yourself and move on, like this: “I was talking to her–them–and they said they had a dog. " You’ve probably used the wrong pronouns on a cisgender person before. You might’ve been having a regular conversation and accidentally referred to a guy as ‘she’, or the other way round. Usually you just laugh it off and correct yourself when that happens, so treat it the same way. Pronoun usage is not dependent on whether you’re happy with the person at the moment. Don’t intentionally use the wrong pronouns or name in order to upset the person, as that will harm your relationship and may harm them far more than you intended.
Ask them what nicknames they like. Some non-binary people may be uncomfortable with some gender-neutral variants of usually gendered nicknames, such as enbyfriend and bisous. Some non-binary people are actually fine with gendered nicknames. Make sure you ask before using them though. Remember that if your friend/partner is ok with being called a ‘boyfriend’ or ‘bro’, it doesn’t make them any less valid. If you can’t find a way to ask, there are some basics that almost everyone is ok with like friend, partner, lover, and bestie.
