For example, if someone asks you, “So, what are you?”. You can respond by saying something like, “Wait, ‘What are you?’”
For example, a friend says something like, “That guy doesn’t act like other gay people I’ve met. " Respond with, “What do you mean by that? What do gay people tend to act like?”
For example, you notice a friend who’s Mexican-American flinch after another friend makes a comment about Mexican workers at the cafeteria. When you have a moment to talk to that person alone, say, “Hey, I noticed Jim’s comment seemed to bother you. I know him pretty well, so I can talk to him if you want. " If the person who the comment affected asks you to not do anything you should respect the person’s wishes.
Think about how close you are to this person. A very close friend would probably be receptive if you confronted them about an offensive remark, but a casual acquaintance may feel attacked. If it’s someone who’s just in your friends group that you’re not close to, it may be best to just let it go. Also, consider how often you are around the person. If the person is someone you work with or spend lots of time around for another reason, then it is important to let them know that the comments bothered you because they will likely bring them up again. However, never let an issue go if a comment felt truly prejudiced. Even unintentionally offensive comments are worth bringing up as you should do your part to fight prejudice in the world.
For example, maybe you’re bisexual and your friend made a comment about you being “half gay and half straight. " Many people don’t realize bisexual people see their sexuality as its own identity. Your friend may have thought this comment was a helpful way of helping you articulate your sexuality.
Saying something like, “I know you mean well. " or “Your right on points xyz. " can make someone more receptive.
Consider writing an email, text or letter. It’s often easier for people to get their thoughts down in writing than verbally.
Try saying something like, “I was hoping we could talk about something. Do you have some time to talk privately?”
For example, start the conversation by saying, “I’ve been thinking about what you said yesterday about my sexuality. I know you probably didn’t mean anything by it, but it kind of bothered me and I wanted to talk about it. "
For example, say, “A lot of times, straight people don’t really understand bisexuality. I know you weren’t trying to be hurtful, so I just want you to understand me a little better. "
For example, say, “I prefer to define my own sexuality and I don’t need you to explain it for me. Also, bisexual people don’t really see themselves as half-gay and half-straight. We have our own identity. " Consider offering resources for them if they have further questions or offer to answer any questions they may have (if you’re comfortable, remember that it’s not your responsibility to educate).
For example, don’t say, “I felt like you were being biphobic. " Instead, say, “I felt like the comment was biphobic. "
You can listen to your friend’s side. In fact, it can be helpful. If your friend simply wasn’t thinking, they may offer an explanation in addition to an apology. However, do not let an explanation be an excuse. Say something like, “Okay, I understand you meant that as a joke, but it really bothered me given the context. " You can also ask your friend questions at the end of the conversation to ensure that they understand your perspective and will not make the comments again. For example, you could ask your friend, “Did you understand that those comments were offensive?” or “Can I rely on you to be more aware in the future before making this type of comment?”
For example, say, “I really just prefer to explain my sexuality on my own. Let me come out to people on my own terms. You don’t need to try to define anything for me. "
For example, say something like, “I know you didn’t mean anything by it, but that’s not something I can tolerate. I really need you to work on this in the future, as I don’t want to spend time with prejudiced people. "
