As you write out what you might say, you may try to anticipate your parents’ responses. That way you can answer their concerns as you tell them about your boyfriend.
You can also practice in front of a mirror. [2] X Research source Ask someone you trust to help, not someone who may reveal your news before you’re ready. For example, choose a cousin you’re close to rather than an older sibling, who might feel obligated to tell your parents.
For instance, if you grew up as a “daddy’s girl,” meaning you can now wrap him around your little finger, you might start with your dad. On the other hand, if your dad tends to be overprotective, you might start with your mother instead. This approach can be an especially helpful idea if you are a teenager with your first boyfriend. On the other hand, if you think both of your parents will take it equally well (or badly), just rip off the bandaid and tell them both at the same time.
However, don’t use picking a good time as a way to continually put off telling them. You will need to tell them eventually, so you might as well get it over with.
For instance, if you think that your parents think that you aren’t ready to date, you could say, “Mom and Dad, I need to talk to you about something. I’ve been a little hesitant to tell you that I have a boyfriend because I think you think that I’m not old enough. "
Your parents probably won’t respond well to “But everyone else is doing it!” However, you can pull statistics off the internet about the average age that people start dating, and you can bring up points about how you’ve shown your maturity in the last year.
Listen to what your parents have to say and consider if their concerns are legitimate. Although they may be frustrating sometimes, remember that your parents are older and have more experience than you do. They may spot red flags or issues of concern that you haven’t experienced yet. If they express concerns, watch out for signs that they could be true.
Your parents will probably have many, many questions. It is advisable to answer every question as honestly and fully as possible to reassure them about your new relationship. If you try to hide or lie about something, your parents may become suspicious and anxious. If your boyfriend has a good relationship with his family, make sure your parents know. This trait is a major plus for many parents because it lets them know that this new guy in your life knows how to value others and can appreciate the tight ties of family.
You should tell your parents about your boyfriend even if you do not plan to make any formal introductions any time soon. As a general rule, the sooner you own up to the relationship, the better. Avoiding the conversation will only make it harder to have eventually and will increase the odds that your parents may find out from another source. Once you get older and have already moved out of the house, you do not necessarily need to bring up every date or every boyfriend you have. Wait until a guy comes along that you can exclusively and seriously commit to before getting everyone worked up.
If you show any hesitation about your sexuality, your parents are likely to ask questions such as “Are you sure?” It’s okay to discuss your feelings and reservations with them. – Just realize that they may want to ask if you’re positive about your feelings. If you’re not 100% sure, it’s okay. You can have feelings for another guy now, yet decide later that you prefer women. Sexuality can change over time. But even if that happens later on, it does not invalidate your current feelings or your current relationship.
It’s also good to have materials to give them or websites they can visit to read more about it. [12] X Research source
For instance, you could say, “I know this announcement is a big one, and I understand if you need some time to adjust to the idea. I know I did. "
You may also not want to tell them if you are emotionally insecure, and you know they would come down very harshly on you. [15] X Research source Prepare ahead of time for how to deal with a bad reaction from your parents. Plan where you will go if things get heated, and know who you can turn to for emotional support. You can get help with coming out from a nonprofit center dedicated to LGBTQ issues, such as The Trevor Project.
Calmly and politely ask your parents why they do not approve of your boyfriend. Maybe a trait of his makes them feel anxious, and that anxiety could very well have validity and be something you should think more deeply about. Even if the reasons they give do not seem significant, listening to their doubts and fears will give you an idea of what you need to do to convince them that the relationship is okay after all.
Along with being compassionate, you should also be respectful. No matter how the conversation goes, you should treat your parents with respect. If you can disagree with them about something in a respectful way, your parents are likely to feel less upset and may eventually be persuaded to change their minds.
You should also provide more opportunities for your parents to get to know your boyfriend. The more time they spend with him, the more accurate their perception of him will be. If he really is a good guy, they might eventually drop their guard long enough to see that. It’s a good idea to arrange a casual meeting before you tell your parents about your relationship. For example, your boyfriend could attend a group hangout in your home with other friends. This allows your parents to become familiar with him.
If your parents have never met the guy, he might offer to introduce himself to them as a way of easing their minds. If your parents offered specific reasons for why they do not approve of your boyfriend, letting him know about these reasons may prompt him to try to fix whatever behavior or condition has them feeling anxious.
This step can be especially beneficial if you are a teen, and he is your first boyfriend. Adults tend to relate to each other better than they relate to teenagers, so if two respectable adults approach your parents and defend your relationship, offering their assurances about their son in the process, your parents might be willing to take this new evidence into careful consideration.
