If you ignore the elephant in the room, he might think flaking on you didn’t bother you, and that he can do it again and again. You can be upfront without being hostile, in case he has a valid reason. [2] X Expert Source William Schroeder, MA, LPC, NCCLicensed Professional Counselor Expert Interview. 28 September 2021. For example, “What happened last time we were supposed to hang out?” His response to being called out says a lot about his maturity. If he tries spinning the story so the blame is on you, he’s not worth your time. It’s a major red flag if he ghosts you and refuses to give you any explanation at all.
Some understandable excuses include work, school, family, mental health, or accidental scheduling conflicts. That being said, if this is his second or third time making an excuse, he’s not taking your own time and energy into consideration. Not cool. If he’s sorry, he’ll want you to give him a second chance. His commitment to taking the blame is a good gauge of whether he cares about your feelings.
He might cue you to be honest with him if he says something like “Why are you so upset over this?” If he doesn’t initiate this conversation, you have every right to bring it up yourself. For example, you could start with “Hey, it hurt when you bailed on me because I took time out of my day to hang out with you. ” Then, you can take the blame off him and address the habit instead. For example, “Maybe we just have different expectations or scheduling styles. ” Next, you could try troubleshooting together. For example, “Can we figure something out together to make hanging out work for both of us?”
For example, be more specific than “Want to try meeting up sometime this week?” Instead, try saying something like “Want to get dinner this Friday night at 7 PM? I know a great pizza spot we can go to. ” This way, if he bails, he has no excuse to be confused about the specifics of the date. Plan to have the date sooner than later so he can’t forget. For example, plan to meet this upcoming Saturday instead of 3 Saturdays from now. Reconfirm your plans with him the day before the date. For example, send him a friendly “Are we still on for tomorrow?”
If he doesn’t reach out after you’ve given him the silent treatment, it might be a sign for you to move on. If he does reach out, it’s up to you if you want to respond immediately. Not responding for a few hours to a day can let him know that you’re not at his beck and call, which is quite the power move!
Have his reasons for canceling been valid excuses? Has he ever tried rescheduling plans after they flake out? Does he try staying in touch, even when plans don’t work out?
Whether you even want to bother with telling him you’re ending things is up to you. If you want to, you can be cordial and wish him well. This can keep the door open later on, in case either of you has a change of heart later on. For example, “Hey, I don’t think things are working out between us. It was good getting to know you, though!” The most important thing to take away from this is that this isn’t your fault. You can find someone else who values and respects you!
For example, put “Looking for a serious connection” on your dating profile if you’re using dating apps. On that note, consider using a paid dating app (and not a free one) to weed out people who might not be serious about dating. It’s not unusual to ask someone “What are you looking for?” while you’re talking to a possible romantic interest.
