The core of flirting is simply playfulness! It’s having fun, it’s building a connection that even if it doesn’t lead anywhere, so both people kind of uplifted and smiled and felt a little bit better and like they had a good time.
Don’t use ‘going out often’ as a crutch though. As a start, it helps to go out consistently until it becomes second nature. So you don’t always have to dedicate time to practice. You can practice while you’re grocery shopping, walking around town, running errands, commuting via public transportation, etc. It is highly recommended that you read How to Cold Approach a Girl and How to Pull a Girl Home to get yourself started.
When a girl or girls are walking towards you then start talking and/or wave at them while they are about 7 to 15 feet away from you. Use common sense; don’t start talking when they are too far away or too close. This would not surprise them much and they would have enough of a time window to let their initial reaction subside. For example: when you and the girl are walking towards each other, wave to her and say something that you find funny like “Hi, Do you know who said ‘Love is trash. People need cash’?” or “You know life is like a penis. . . . relaxed. . . . hung. . . Its the women that make it hard. " or “You know only when a mosquito lands on your face that you realize the violence is not always the answer. " or something indirect like “Hi, Do you know if there is a coffee place around here?” or a situational opener like “Where did you get the hat that you are wearing?”. As per the social conditioning, she usually would stop. Then you can tell her your intentions like “I was just kidding; I thought you are absolutely adorable and I had to say hi. " You can also remain indirect on the basis of the response and vibe exchange with the girl. In fact, remaining indirect can help you stay longer in a conversation, which helps hone your interactions skills. At the same time be sure to honestly sub-communicate your intentions (as you will read in the next section). So experiment with your opener. Also, if you want to be more dominant, simply stand in front of the girl/woman, as you give her a hand gesture to stop. Make sure there is enough distance between you and her. See if this works for you or not. If not, no need to keep redoing it. A humble smile helps a lot. If the girl/woman is in front of you and walking in the same direction, then tread or jog or run up to her, give her a light tap on the shoulder, and say “Hi”. This may surprise her, but it communicates confidence. Alternatively, you can just walk up to her until you are shoulder to shoulder, turn your head towards her, say “hi”, and do your spiel. Try to make sure that she sees you coming before saying something. Another way would be to call her from the back. Say something like “Excuse me” or “hi”, as you are walking towards her and when she stops or turns around, do your spiel. When a girl is behind you and is walking in your direction, simply turn around and do your spiel. Make sure there is an appropriate distance between you and the girl, so you don’t surprise her too much. Stand your ground. Don’t follow the girl or walk backwards if she’s walking away, despite your assertive request of asking to stop or after opening to her. Stand your ground and let her walk away. You wouldn’t want to talk to someone who can’t stop even for a few moments to have a conversation with you. However, it’s okay to walk with a girl if she genuinely seems to be in a hurry and/or asks you to walk with her. It’s also fine to walk with a girl for some time to tune into her state. When you feel you are in tune, you can ask her to stop or simply keep walking with her, if you just want to get into a social mood, interact with her or build social muscle. Whatever feels natural. Of course, only if girl is fine with you walking with her.
However, it’s okay to walk with a girl if she genuinely seems to be in a hurry and/or asks you to walk with her. It’s also fine to walk with a girl for some time to tune into her state. When you feel you are in tune, you can ask her to stop or simply keep walking with her, if you just want to get into a social mood, interact with her or build social muscle. Whatever feels natural. Of course, only if girl is fine with you walking with her.
Try this next time: when a girl is walking away from you then assertively but calmly say something like, “Hey, wait! I am talking to you. “, as you wave her to come to you. If you do it right, it may turn on a biological switch in her head and make her compliant. Yes, attraction and connection are mutual but you are initiating and leading it. This doesn’t mean to force yourself to be assertive. Use common sense and naturally calibrate as per the response from the girl. So you don’t have to be assertive all the time. Also, since many people are becoming more conscious and going beyond societal and mental conditioning, so a growing minority of women don’t have high and sometimes irrational expectations like high status, good looks, tall, muscular, have a lot of money, big penis, alpha male etc. Many men don’t understand how important it is for a woman to feel physically and emotionally safe. Safety is a Top of Mind concern for women in dating, so make sure to not let her feel threatened or pressured.
Considering the large number of rejections from cold approach pickup, it should not be seen as the only way to meet and date girls. It has other deeper benefits such as getting out of comfort zone, public speaking, non-neediness, having fun, being social, practicing non-reaction, inner confidence, collecting evidence to counter your self limiting beliefs, making you more aware of your deep seated mental patterns, caring less what people think etc. Plus it’s a form of meditation because it brings you into the present moment. However, if you are enjoying it then you will likely meet and date more compatible women than dating apps or social circles.
“Yes” girls. “Yes” girls are those who are attracted to you from the beginning itself. These are the girls who are easiest to maintain conversation and go on dates with. [7] X Research source Manson, Mark. Models: Attracting women through honesty. Pg 68 Unless you screwed up something, that attraction remains almost indefinitely. To identify ‘yes girls’, here are some signs: They keep a longer eye contact with you than usual. Play with their hair while talking to you. Feet pointing towards you. Laugh at your ’not so funny’ jokes. Touch you. Follow your lead and/or mirror you. Invite you for meetups. Don’t leave even though the conversation is getting cold. They try to rekindle a cold conversation. Don’t pull away when you physically escalate or come closer to them. “Maybe” girls. These are those girls who are not sure if they are attracted to you or not. To get them to be attracted to you, you need to be polarizing from the beginning itself or they will lose interest. ‘Polarizing’ means to talk and do things that you genuinely find fun and interesting with common sense and calibration. It also helps to filter out people with whom you would not be compatible with. However, at the same time being polarizing may offend others. Which is ok but it helps to not be highly and explicitly polarizing from the beginning itself, as girls may get ’too repelled’. So its a good practice to slowly and subtly polarize to filter out girls who would not be compatible with you. So they don’t react too much. Especially during current times as people are becoming more and more sensitive. For example: Be alert and notice the girl/woman’s reaction after you make a subtly polarizing joke, which you find funny, like “Have you realized that life is sexually transmitted?”. Alertly notice the reciprocation from the girl like how she laughs, motivation to continue the conversation, body language, tone of her voice etc. Traditionally speaking, this comes with practice and experience, and is quite yielding in the long run. As you would be able to quickly pickup subtle hints like facial gestures, tone of their voice, eye contact, body language etc. to know if you will get along or not, and exit out of a conversation. Read How to Be Polarizing for more info on this. “No” girls. These are girls who are not attracted to you at all. It is better not to waste your time and theirs, as you are most likely not going to get anywhere. [8] X Research source Manson, Mark. Models: Attracting women through honesty. Pg 69 Some ‘No’ girls may flirt with you, just to seek attention. You may use that to improve your interaction and social skills, but do not take that seriously. Sign from these type of girls/women could be: Not keeping a good eye contact with you. Giving short or one word replies. Ignoring you. For example: checking their phone, looking away, talking to their friends etc. Continue talking to their friend despite your funny or interesting statements. Pointing their feet away from you as if they want to walk away. Giving you shoulder. Keeping a distance from you. Here’s something to observe in your self: If you feel like you are trying hard to have a conversation with women, feel resistance or unease within (like heart, chest and face region), conversation feels forced and unnatural etc. , then these could be a signs that she’s a No girl or you are not polarizing enough and/or having fun. It’s better to polarize or move on and learn from it. The majority of girls will be “maybe” or “no” girls.
Before you go out and start recording interactions, ensure that it’s legal in your country or jurisdiction. For example: recording someone without their consent is illegal in some states in the US. [6] X Research source If that’s the case, do it at your own risk. Audio recording. Most smartphones have a recording feature, so use yours as a recording device. Just wear earphones as if you are listening to music or wrap them around your neck like a stethoscope, and turn on the recorder before approaching. Make sure to test it before going out to check if the voice quality is good enough, when recorded from different positions. You can also use a digital recorder with a good quality mic for better sound quality. Look it up on any e-commerce website. Video recording. If you want to go more advanced, you can have a friend video record you. Before every approach, turn on your audio and signal your friend to start video recording. It’s pretty fruitful, as signaling makes it easier to sync audio and video when using a video editing program. If you have no one else to record you then you can also use a spy pen or body cam. Again, do it at your own risk. Yes, it may make you cringe to listen and/or watch yourself, but that’s exactly what you need to become more aware of your sticking points and good things you have been doing, as the truth will be right in front of you, if you are open to it.
“Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you. " - Tao Te Ching. Here are a few conversation topics that can help in the beginning: passions, childhood, goals, personality, traveling, sense of humor, ups and downs in life, current affairs, interests, ambition, and favorite things. Watch the linked video for more details. 36 questions When you truly realize the essence of who you are, it becomes immensely easier to make a deep connection with people, because in subtle or apparent ways they will be naturally drawn to you, if they already have some depth in them. Also, only in this state can you relate to others on a level deeper than movement of thoughts. “When you realize where you come from, you naturally become disinterested, kind hearted as a grandmother. Dignified as a King. " Tao Te Ching. At the same time, be practical. Yes, most of the guys are result-oriented, which means that getting laid is a great motivator and end goal for them. So instead of ’trying’ to make a deep genuine connection, which doesn’t work anyway, simply be aware of this to naturally internalize it into your game, as you explore its benefits in the long run. Or try it as an experiment to see if it works for you or not and then adapt it into your game (as you will read in section 3).
In the long run, it’s about your priorities. What are your intentions and what is more important to you? Is it physical looks, sex, showing off, relationship, meaningful connection or all of them and to what degree? Be very honest, as intentions are communicated far more than your words. Only knowing and accepting this will take you beyond the egoic states of desire and fear. This means that if you are into looks and/or your goal is to have sex, then be honest and act in alignment with your intentions rather than try to hide or suppress them. However, simply be aware that your actions are motivated from your desire to have sex with hot women. As mere awareness will eventually take you beyond this disproportionate attraction towards physical looks and your unrealistic expectations. Either way, no trying. Although, if you are trying then don’t force yourself to not try. We will talk about this later.
Plus, it’s a practical way to get yourself in a social mood and sustain it, especially when you are out solo because sometimes, at the venue, you may not find enough women to talk. So when you approach that hot girl you find attractive, you are already in a more fun and confident state. Polarizing doesn’t always mean to move on to other girls because you realize that you are not going to be compatible with them and/or they are hot enough for you. Keep in mind that seeing people through concepts or beliefs on the basis of their looks, age or background and other traits is not only limiting yourself and others but also missing “not so often” opportunities to meet some genuinely cool people and know their life experiences. By following this practice, you may have experiences and conversations that can change your current paradigms and mindset for good. Which can put you on a fast track and can cut down years of effort and frustration. This is one of the reasons why you should not reject the opportunities to interact or go on meetups or dates with girls who are taken and/or are less attractive and/or older than you. “When people see some things as beautiful, other things become ugly. When people see some things as good, other things become bad. " Tao Te Ching. Again, at the same time, be practical about it. Yes, attraction towards good-looking girls/women is a great motivator. [9] X Research source . So it’s fine to use this motivation to approach and date hot girls, but at the same time, to go beyond it, be aware that the motivation, which is conditioned, is coming from attraction towards their fleeting physical looks. Else you will remain stuck at that level and won’t be able to go beyond the disproportionate magnetic pull towards looks. Read last step of How to Become Mentally Flexible for more.
For example, if a girl says something like “You are quite older than me; I am just a young sophomore girl”, what would be your normal response? It may be something like “Yeah I know, but I am not that old,” or “I have dated girls your age before. " These are defensive and supplicating responses. Instead, turn the tables by looking deep into their eyes and say something like “Yeah, I am old. I don’t think you can handle me”, “I always wanted to be a sugar-daddy,” or “Yeah, you better watch out. I am a pedophile. " This way you can also qualify them. It’s like using the opponent’s energy against themselves without conflict or reacting or using force. As it’s seen in non-reactive martial arts like Aikido or Tai-Chi. So play it cool. A non-reactive and non-needy mindset is extremely attractive to most girls. Second example: If they say something like, “I have a boyfriend,” or “I am seeing someone,” then instead of replying with generic answers like, “Okay, it was nice meeting you,” remain non-reactive. You may reply with something like, “Oh yeah, me too,” or “Amazing, let me give you a hug” (then go in for the hug),” or “Oh, that’s fine. I don’t mind a three-way. " or “But I love you though” etc. It’s like subconsciously telling the girl, “I don’t care if you have a boyfriend or not. I’m going to have fun either way. " Again Having fun and amusing yourself should be one of your primary motives. Else, fear and inertia may take you over and you will take rejections seriously, and most likely give up. Read Get a Girl to Go Home With You for more. Third example: When a girl is rude or meanly rejects you then instead of reacting, channel the reaction into something constructive or fun. Like bow down as you leave, or approach another girl immediately, etc. instead of dwelling on the reaction from rejection. You can also say something like “I am just going to tuck in my tail and go talk to that girl. “. Or you can simply express what you are feeling in a fun way by saying something like, “Man, that hurts. You just broke my heart” or “You just bruised my Ego. " or “I knew it. You are so tall and good looking girl. " or “I will just leave. I don’t want to handle your Ego” or “I can see your future. Old woman pushing a stroller at a grocery store with a bunch of cats in it”. It’s therapeutic and vulnerable when you truthfully express your mental-emotional state and/or channel your reactions in a fun, creative and constructive way. [10] X Research source . Of course, with common sense. Reactions are not you but conditioned mental-emotional patterns. Don’t take them too seriously. Read Dissolve the Ego (According to Eckhart Tolle’s Teachings) for more depth. When you realize that you are not your thoughts, reactions and emotions, you naturally become more non-reactive. More non-reaction practices are mentioned in section 4. So don’t react, as in the long run, you may realize that rejections or failures can be equally, if not more, valuable experiences than desired responses or results. Read Become Mentally Flexible for more. No experience goes to waste, as there’s always something to learn. “Behind every seemingly bad situation lies concealed a deeper good and that deeper good reveals itself to you through inner acceptance to what is”. Eckhart Tolle. Also, reactions drain you of energy and as a result you may not be able to practice for long. A practical pointer: if you reacted then, most likely, you will feel uncomfortable when you go about talking to other girls because you just reacted to a girl at the same venue. Also, in western society, women are more likely to be believed than men. “She is good to people who are good. She is also good to people who aren’t good. This is true goodness. " Tao Te Ching. Again, polarize subtly and slowly to quickly filter out those girls/women with whom you will not be compatible, so they don’t get offended too much and you don’t have to deal with symptoms like this. Especially, these days, when many people are looking for reason to feel offended or upset. It is also practical and helpful in the long run, especially when you game regularly at the same set of locations, because it helps you to keep a low profile and game under the radar. Since facts are empowering, here’s a factual pointer: Doesn’t matter how scarily beautiful they look, their physical body, just like yours, is subjected to the law of impermanence. Which means that within a few years, it will wrinkle, grow frail, die and then turn to dust. Just like your body will turn to dust. With this realization comes a playfulness and devaluation of forms and looks[14] X Research source Tolle, Eckhart. The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. Vancouver, BC: Namaste Publishing, 1999. Page 210. . This, of course, doesn’t mean to not take care or honor your body and possessions. In fact, when you truly realize the transient nature of all forms, including your own, you honor, care and enjoy them even more.
Use apps like iFunny, TikTok and YouTube. There is funny, interesting and informative content that is posted regularly on these apps that you can use in your own life situation. The content on these apps can also help you fix the problem of running out of interesting, funny and witty things to say and talk about. However, do not use your sense of humor as a mask to avoid rejection. Rejections are unavoidable. If you practice non-reaction, being funny, physical escalation and making deep genuine connections with women (or people in general), then the below conversation practices are no more than supplements to boost your conversation and seduction skills.
Use the “us” mentality in accordance with your personality and humor, or else it’s not going to come out as genuine and will seem forced. Experiment to get a better understanding of your humor and personality. You could try using sexual, plain, lame or sarcastic humor in your conversations to see if you find it funny. If the girl finds it fun too, that’s what helps make a good connection. Remember, it’s about you and not the girls. You always have to put yourself first by talking and doing things that you like. It sounds selfish, but it’s not. It’s because when you are having fun, then in the long run, people in your company will also have fun, if they are compatible with your personality because they will feel your vibes which are communicated far more than your words. [15] X Research source Manson, Mark. Models: Attracting women through honesty. Pg 42
Think about having sex while talking to girls/women. This charges the conversation with sexual energy. Be careful to avoid getting lost in fantasizing and/or getting an erection. Use sexual humor, with common sense, during conversations without forcing it. Let it come naturally as if you are having a normal conversation with a friend. Read Get a Girl to Go Home With You for more. Show intent with body language. While interacting with a girl, try leaning in a little closer, touch her, sub-communicate your intentions with facial gestures, etc. Don’t force it though. Let it come naturally. Keep a gentle and focused eye contact. Interaction is quite effective when you keep a focused eye contact. Your eye contact should be piercing her soul, as the expression goes. Also, you can non-verbally convey your intentions through eye contact, which may prevent surprises in the long run. Physical escalation. This is gold if you know how to do it properly. It works best during the night time. Although, it’s fine to do it during daytime, in moderation. Read Make Out with a Random Girl and Pull a Girl Home for more details. Reduce or masturbating. Abstaining from masturbation, or at least reducing the frequency, helps naturally build sexual energy within you that surfaces during your interactions. Keep in mind that this may or may not work for you. Also, if and when you masturbate, think of your sexual experiences or fantasies, rather than masturbating to porn. This helps improve your imagination and doesn’t let you to use porn as a crutch. Relying on pornography can be a destructive habit that can affect your sex and personal life. [13] X Research source
Here are some verbal examples: “You look cute (pull) but you don’t seem to be my type (push)” “Here, put your number in my phone (pull), but promise me you won’t call me again and again (push)” “Let’s go to my place (pull), but promise you won’t touch me below my waist (push)” “You forgot my name? Go away I don’t wanna talk to you (push). However, I forgot your name too (pull). " Here are some physical examples: While making out, “push” at the right moment when her craving for you is the highest. This will make her want you even more.
One of the ways to persist and fix the problem of running out of things to say is to “plow” or have a good verbal game. Which, in this case, means that you talk continuously about what you like to talk about to hook the women. Experiment to see if this works for you or not. Keep it simple. If a girl is not properly replying to you or your texts or calling back, then take the hint that she’s not interested or has other priorities. There may be no need to continuously persist. Move on. Yes, some girls do like to play games, but in the long run, you may realize how irrational and futile they are. Although keep in mind, some girls may be genuinely busy. So, as a guideline, its ok to contact them, once or twice, a few days after your last text/call
Your personality and sense of humor resonates better with Martha, as the joke was polarizing. Martha is more open to meeting new people and cracking jokes with them. Anna could be in a bad mood, didn’t like you or the joke, didn’t like your physical appearance, likes taller guys, likes guys her own race, thought you smell bad, doesn’t like to crack jokes with random people, is insecure, or has irrational beliefs, is biased, thought you were not confident enough for her, didn’t like your grooming, clothes and style, is a “no” girl etc. You have no control over other people’s conditioned reactions, actions, personality, and mood, and if you worried about it, you will just suffer. Even your own thoughts and emotions are not in your control. That is to say, they are automatic and conditioned. Read How to Become Mentally Flexible and How to Surrender to the Present Moment for more depth. So work only on the key practices or habits, as mentioned in the article and related articles, that are in your “direct” control. Read Become Mentally Flexible for more. For example: Dress well, groom and smell good, work out, speak with confidence and assertiveness, learn from your audio recordings, keep focused eye-contact, stop girls properly, keep a pickup journal, be nonreactive, meditate, monitor your mental-emotional patterns, keep some attention with in inner body and/or breath, make a deep connection, correct your body posture, have fun etc.
For example: if you learned that maintaining good eye contact during interactions helps build attraction, then don’t just reject or accept it right away. Use it as a test case. Practice maintaining a gentle and focused eye contact in all of your approaches and observe the outcome. Like a good scientist, don’t get identified with the outcome. This may go on for some days or will be over after a few approaches. It will depend on your personality, openness to try new things, humility, spiritual depth and learning curve. Like a successful scientific discovery is adopted by people on a larger scale, similarly integrate what you discover into your game.
Here are some examples of how these mental-emotional patterns come up when it comes to attracting women: “She’s too good for me. “, “What can I ever do to make her like me?”, “What if she rejected me?”, “I have been rejected so many times by women like these. “, “These kind are women think that they are too good and entitled. “, “She’s not good looking or hot enough. “, “Her butt’s too small”, “Too tall or short”, “she’s so out of my league” and so on. Inquire deeply to recognize that these are conditioned thoughts generated by your conditioned mind to strengthen its illusory self and to get a false sense of ‘I know’, superiority or inferiority. In other words, the mind thinks through concepts and conditioned thoughts it can know the reality. This is highly delusional because these concepts and conditioned patterns limit yourself and prevent you from seeing the whole picture; the truth. It’s because reality is a unified whole and can only be realized when you step out of your mind. A high degree of alertness is required to catch and accept these conditioned thoughts, emotions and patterns to dissolve them. It’s because they can be extremely subtle and quick but that’s how it is. Once these patterns dissolve or weaken, you naturally become non-reactive and attracting women becomes natural and easy, without you having to do the hard work of learning concepts, reading a bunch of books, memorizing jokes or techniques etc. As the right action or words will come naturally from infinitely intelligent unconditioned consciousness.
This is the feeling of ‘Awareness’ that Einstein pointed to when he said “The scientist’s religious feeling takes the form of a rapturous amazement at the harmony of natural laws, which reveals an intelligence of such superiority that in comparison with it, all systematic thinking of human being is an utterly insignificant reflection. This feeling is the guiding principle of my work. "
This is the feeling of ‘Awareness’ that Einstein pointed to when he said “The scientist’s religious feeling takes the form of a rapturous amazement at the harmony of natural laws, which reveals an intelligence of such superiority that in comparison with it, all systematic thinking of human being is an utterly insignificant reflection. This feeling is the guiding principle of my work. "
Again, most of these irrational, self-limiting and negative beliefs exist because of identification with personal and cultural conditioning, misinterpretations of past experiences etc. Which is ultimately identification with mind. [20] X Research source Tolle, Eckhart. The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. Vancouver, BC: Namaste Publishing, 1999. Page 50 . Again, a high degree of alertness is required to detect, accept and let go of these thoughts to dissolve them. Or else they will continue to hypnotize you and run your life like a puppeteer in the background.
To add more evidence, think of any experiences when girls have been receptive and interested in you. This practice resembles cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). [18] X Research source Read How to Eradicate and Stop Negative Thoughts for more. Be aware of the unconscious expectation before testing the beliefs or you may end up in a state of scotoma. [19] X Research source Scotoma is a psychological state when your mind sees what it wants to see and ignores any evidence that contradicts the belief. For example: if a girl rejects you and you say “See, I knew she will reject me,”. This implies that your mind is more open to evidence that would support the belief rather than seeing the subtle truth of the situation. Again, like a good scientist, be very honest, open to what-is and just observe without any attachment or expectation. In other words, be there as the background awareness without adding any interpretation to anything. These unconscious beliefs, however slight or subtle or deep seated, can survive in you for decades and continue to reflect in your reality, if not made conscious and recognized as not who you are. Therefore a high degree of alertness and honesty are needed to detect and dissolve them. As a hint, see if you can detect mental patterns (thoughts and reactions), physical reactions and sensations arising in the left side of head, when you face a challenging or undesirable condition, thoughts or situation. Read How to Stay Rooted in Being for more depth. Use affirmations. For some people, it can be pragmatic practice to replace negative beliefs with affirmations. Whenever negative, presumptive or demoralizing thoughts arise, like “she’s too hot for me”, “She’s so out of my league”, “She will walk away. “, “They will be mean. What’s the point?” etc. then replace it immediately with something like “I deserve it,” or “You are worthy. “[23] X Research source Sincero, Jen. You Are a Badass. Philadelphia: Running Press, 2013. Page 56 As a practical measure, it helps to have a balance between relationships, health, and wealth to back these affirmations (as you will read in the second step of section 6). You can also immediately feel your inner-body or become aware of your breath or sense perceptions. That is to say become present. This is one the most effective practices to dissolve self limiting and negative beliefs, along with watching your thoughts and emotions. In fact, feeling your inner body is essential to be the watcher of your thoughts and emotions. This also implies to deeply realize that you are not your mind (thoughts, emotions and reactions) but the One who sees them. That’s when your true power shines through you.
Alternatively, you can simply ask the girls if they find anything about you that could be improved. You will be surprised how many of them tell you. However, just because they have a vagina doesn’t automatically make them DE-facto expert about dating and pickup. Also, girls usually are not a good authority to tell why they like or don’t like certain things. [24] X Research source Manson, Mark. Models:Attracting women through Honesty. Pg 89 . Here’s an analogy: You don’t ask fishes about how to catch a fish. You ask the fisherman.
This, of course, doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t go to places like bars, events, or outdoor clubs. You can still meet cool people there and practice pickup. As almost all people have more than one interest, but your chances may not be high. So keep a balance. Again, it’s not always about getting girls, as practicing pickup helps you in many other aspects of life such as public speaking, detecting and dissolving deep seated fears and insecurities, seeing other people’s perspective, meeting new people and so on. We spoke about this earlier.
Have fun. When you are having fun, the static of mental resistance and negativity dissolves and your true nature comes out. Ask yourself, “How can I make this situation fun?” Again, do not force it. Let it come on its own. We spoke about this earlier. Read How to Stay Rooted in Being for more info on this. Whenever you feel anxious or afraid or any other form of negativity, simply shift your attention from negative emotions to present moment anchors or channel it out by making the situation fun and silly. For example: you can funnily say to yourself or girls something like, “If I sound nervous, its because I am carrying pain of humanity in me. " or “You look so good that my fingernails are sweating” etc. , depending on your sense of humor. It helps to use apps like iFunny, TikTok, YouTube etc. as they have funny memes or videos that you can relate to your situation. Plus, memes can be gold while texting girls. If that’s not possible, accept what is and/or take action immediately and/or remove yourself from the situation. To learn more about this, read Become Mentally Flexible. It’s all energy (low to high frequency) that’s arising and subsiding in your space of awareness. Since energy can only be transmuted, so practices like these help to channel or transmute this negative energy in a creative and constructive way into presence.
Realizing deeply that this is a part of life is acceptance. Acceptance comes into action when life is in down movement. For example: sickness, weakness, loss, injury, failure, bad phase in life, etc. In the greater scheme of events, these phases of ‘down’ are absolutely necessary for spiritual depth and can be great teachers to help you be more compassionate, forgiving and cope when life hits rock bottom. So hang in there and trust the universe. A down cycle may last for a couple of days to couple of years.
Feel your body from within as much as you can. Especially while interacting with someone. Then monitor the quality of the interaction as compared to when you are not aware of it. Keeping some attention within your body while doing anything, not only brings immense joy and peace from deep within you and but also liberates you, to some extent, from the enslavement of compulsive thinking. Your body is infinitely more intelligent than mind, as through it you are one with radiant and vast peace of Being or One consciousness. It is highly recommended that you read How to Stay Rooted in Being for more information on this. Be aware of your breath and sense perceptions. Awareness of breath and/or sense perceptions shifts attention from mind to the Now. Which lessens suffering because there’s no suffering in the Now. Here’s a practice: keep some attention on your sense perceptions, and/or breathing, while doing anything. As you practice this, you may observe how it naturally increases your joy and peace, and quality of your actions. Accept what is. It means to offer inner acceptance to whatever arises in the Now. This is the most effective practice to dissolve suffering and self-limiting beliefs.
People who practice humility are approachable, easier to talk to and are much more friendly and real. It’s because they don’t suppress their true (negative or positive traits) personality with fleeting confidence derived from identification with form, such as good looks, wealth, skills, title, job, nationality etc. Its because through becoming “vulnerable” can you discover your true and essential invulnerability. [26] X Research source Tolle, Eckhart. The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. Vancouver, BC: Namaste Publishing, 1999. Page 220. . “Humility means trusting the Tao, thus never needing to be defensive. " Tao Te Ching. Read How to Practice Humility for more insight. This doesn’t mean to force yourself to ’not play roles’. Instead, just be aware of the role-playing patterns, as mere awareness will take you beyond them. Awareness is Intelligence itself. Greatest agent of inner transformation. Tao Te Ching pointed to this truth simply “If you want to get rid of something, allow it to flourish. " In this context, it means that even if you notice that you are being gamey, allow it to be. The ‘flourishing of gaminess’ will eventually force you to accept and take you beyond it. When you are aware and allow it to be, a new dimension of consciousness emerges through you, far more intelligent than the human mind. [27] X Research source Tolle, Eckhart. A New Earth. Vancouver, BC: Penguin, 2005. Page 259, 117. However, be aware that ego is very clever. You may be thinking that you are allowing it to be, but in reality that “allowing” could be the ego’s hidden desire to dissolve it as quickly as possible. Which implies that Ego is treating the now as a means to an end. Read Surrender to the Present Moment for more on this.
What is the most interesting, adventurous, spontaneous thing you did in the last 100 days? What are your passions? Make a habit of doing something interesting and new that you find fun from time to time. Like hiking, skydiving, visiting new places or exploring your city, visiting animal shelters, volunteering, and pursuing your passions or hobbies etc.
While lack in one of the aspects would, most likely, affect the other two in the long run. For instance: if you are investing too much time in making money (wealth) and on your health, there is a good possibility that your social life (relationships) will suffer. Which may affect your wealth and health (emotional and physical) in the long run. Similarly, if you have wealth but don’t have good social life or health, then it may eventually affect your wealth. However, there’s a paradox to it. If you completely accept the ’lack’ in one or more of these aspects, then that could work for you too. This can also work like a priming effect. [25] X Research source Which means if you are spending a lot of time just doing pickup, then eventually it may force you to realize the importance of relationships, health, and wealth in the long run to get good at it. There’s a possibility that you may burn yourself out in this process before realizing it. Since everyone is different, experiment to see which approach/approaches work best for you.
In some cases, they matter more, and in others, not as much. For example: In western and eastern countries, girls generally find white guys to be more attractive as compared to other races. Yes, its harder for non-white(minorities) guys in western world, but at the same time if you simply accept it without any reservations then it can also work to your advantage and can potentially help you access inner timeless beauty within. In other words, you become less dependent on external appearances and don’t get phased out by them. Also when you approach and talk to girls, you are already coming out as polarizing. If you keep your composure in the midst of difficult situations, and embrace or accept challenges, you naturally go deeper. As challenges drive you deeper. However, overall, the above external factors don’t matter as much as men think they do. [29] X Research source Manson, Mark. Models:Attracting women through honesty, Pg101 . In a way, men are lucky that women are not into physical looks as much as them. [27] X Research source .
Keep your place ready for company. Go out with wingmen. It helps a lot if you go out with good wingmen. Look on Facebook and online forums to find wingmen. If you can’t find a regular wing, you can also talk to other guys at bars or clubs and encourage them to talk to women with you. You will be surprised how many guys agree and how helpful this practice can be to attract women. As women generally feel comfortable with people who are out with their friends. Work out, groom, maintain personal hygiene, eat healthy, smell good and dress well. Just these habits will increase your attractiveness by 20-30%. Guaranteed. Speak from your chest or your whole body rather than from your head and nose. Be aware where the air is coming from when you speak. If it’s coming out from your nose, your voice will not be that deep. Hence, your speech will have less of an impact. [31] X Research source Manson, Mark. Models:Attracting women through honesty, Pg 76 Above all, be in touch with breath and/or inner body as much as you can. This practice alone will be more transforming than all the other mentioned practices, combined. This practice becomes easier when you truly realize that [[[Dissolve the Ego (According to Eckhart Tolle’s Teachings)|you are not your mind]].
